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thekiller
Is Anybody Here?
Kyrgyzstan
1 Posts |
 Posted - 03/20/2005 : 3:47:27 PM
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starting To write songs and want some hlep. know this is the wrong site but cant find help enywerhe.
going to play this osng live next week
"The Metaphorical Well of my Soul"
The well of my soul,
Has truly run dry,
Its's only a metaphor,
But it really happened.
The tears I have cried,
Have mutilated my face like a horrible flesh eating disease,
You spat in my face,
And put a cucumber in my bottom.
Chorus
My soul is hurt, destroyed,
You literally sh*t on my heart,
Why must you rain on my parade?
Rain sh*t that is.
I look for a place to hide, a place to lick my wounds,
My right ventricle is aching,
My very being has been questioned,
Questioned metaphorically, but it really happened.
I need someone to talk to,
Not shove vegtables in my rectum,
You had your chance and you p*ssed it away,
Why must you feel the need to nibble my belly button?
My soul is hurt, destroyed,
You literally sh*t on my heart,
Why must you rain on my parade?
Rain sh*t that is. |
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zakkwyle234
Try A Little Harder
Canada
71 Posts |
Posted - 03/20/2005 : 3:56:30 PM
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| It's definetly different. Maybe you should just drop the parts about the vegies, but...it's up to you. |
"of all the things i've lost in life, i miss my mind the most" |
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guitarisPIMP
Yak Addict
Niue
587 Posts |
Posted - 03/20/2005 : 4:41:55 PM
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enywerhe....that's quite a typo there.
I liked it, but would definitely agree with the vegetables thing. Something about veggies and anusses that i don't really think go well together in a song. |
my favorite color is go fuck yourself. :D |
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zakkwyle234
Try A Little Harder
Canada
71 Posts |
Posted - 03/20/2005 : 4:48:41 PM
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| they don't go together in real life OR songs lol....but it is an interestin song. |
"of all the things i've lost in life, i miss my mind the most" |
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Muskrat
Chatterbox
USA
266 Posts |
Posted - 03/20/2005 : 11:23:59 PM
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| If you're starting to write, I suggest a spelling/punctuation class to get you started. It helps. |
"You know, if you live long enough, eventually you're gonna die." -Words of wisdom from my dad |
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Hopeful Rolling Waves
Alien Abductee
South Sandwich Islands
2154 Posts |
Posted - 03/21/2005 : 08:53:23 AM
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I think that 'metaphorical well' you're dealing with is dry.
BTW, what part of Kyrgyzstan are you from? Bishkek? |
http://db.etree.org/hopefulrollingwaves/ < My Trading List |
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dan p.
Alien Abductee
Uganda
3776 Posts |
Posted - 03/21/2005 : 11:06:02 AM
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| some of the verses seem out of balance as far as sylables go. |
death to false metal. |
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please help
