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Muskrat
Chatterbox
USA
266 Posts |
 Posted - 03/15/2007 : 10:37:38 PM
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Come on in to Barnes & Noble!
Tonight was weird. What I'm about to recount is the strangest story ever to happen to me during my working career. People are freaks, man...
Tonight was the first night I'd ever closed at Barnes & Noble. We've made it all the way to the last 15 minutes, the loudspeaker announcements have begun. Time for everyone to make their purchases and go home. Well, ok, you don't have to go home but ya can't... stay... here.
10:58 PM: 19-20ish preppy dressed black guy comes in, looking like he's in a hurry. My coworker L calls to him and lets him know that we're closing in two minutes. "Ok," he says as he makes a sharp right and beelines towards the magazines. L and I look at each other with puzzled looks on our faces, then she spots the stripey-shirted fellow heading for the back of the store clutching a couple of magazines wrapped in plastic. L says: "Hey, he's... wait... GO, Muskrat!"
So we walk briskly, on a parallel course towards the back of the store (and, coincidentally, the bathroom... maybe you can now see where this story is heading), glancing down each aisle as we pass him.
I get to the bathrooms before Mr. Magazine does, and calmly take a sip from the water fountain. I then take a casual guarding position, leaning against the wall inside the entrance to the bathroom area. It's now 11:00, closing time. A few seconds later the guy comes around the corner at about 90 miles an hour, sees me and slams on the brakes, turning to the nearest shelf and pressing the magazines to his leg, pretending they're not there. He looks up and down the shelf (which happens to be our selection of Bibles) once, turns to me and says "Um, do you have any more Bibles?"
This guy is sweating so much it looks like he's had his head under a spigot. I pointed at the shelf. "All the Bibles we have are right here," I said, twirling my PDT (handheld scanner thingamabob) like a cop twirling a nightstick.
"Oh, um, well, actually I'm looking for like, uh, a medicine Bible."
"A medicine Bible?"
"Yeah, like... ... Vitamins... Vitamin Bibles..."
I look at him for a second. If this guy doesn't drink some water soon, it'll be the first case of sweating to death any bookstore has ever seen. I decide to play along. I lead him to the Health section, aware all the while of a couple of coworkers (who are waiting for this joker to leave so we can lock the doors already) who are watching curiously. He keeps the mags closely pressed cover-down against his leg. I hand him a Pill reference manual. "This what you're looking for?" He reads the title, then says "Yeah, this looks good." By this time L has come over and is standing next to us. He starts to put the book back on the shelf, then hands it to me and asks what the price is. I tell him it's $6.95. "Hmm, that's not too bad!" he says, then places the book back on the shelf and thanks me, then power-walks back to the magazines where he tosses the two he's been carrying back onto the shelf. He then practically bolts for the door, which is quickly locked behind him. Laughter and lots of incredulous facial expressions ensue.
Are you that (pardon the expression) hard up for entertainment? Did you think nobody would notice you're still in the store after closing time? Did you think I'd buy that you were looking for a medical reference book in the Bible section, and that you'd wait until 11 PM to go browsing for one? Did you think nobody would notice the plastic wrapped magazines pressed against your leg so tightly as if you had taken a bullet to your thigh?
Kids these days. No imagination. |
"You know, if you live long enough, eventually you're gonna die." -Words of wisdom from my dad |
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gnome44
Yak Addict
749 Posts |
Posted - 03/15/2007 : 11:11:17 PM
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If you're going to get that crazy and nervous (and probably embarassed) about buying some porno mags...then maybe you shouldn't be buying them...
It likely would have been a complete non-issue if he would have just walked in, bought them, and walked out. I imagine there are probably dozens of people who do that all the time...not problemo.
I could have seen if he was buying something genuinely embarassing, like genital wart remover, or a penis enlarger.
Oh well... |
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dan p.
Alien Abductee
Uganda
3776 Posts |
Posted - 03/16/2007 : 12:50:42 AM
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| i was in a barnes and noble recently. i had to go grab a copy of the dungeons and dragons core rulebook 3.5 because i got sick of passing one around anytime someone in our 6 member party wanted to cast a spell or look up a feat. then i see a star wars book i wanted, so i picked it up. i get up to counter, and the girl takes the books. as she's scanning them, she looks at them and says "big night out tonight?" i thought i detected sarcasm in her voice, but i let it pass. i just smiled slightly and shook my head no. then she said "really. no hot date or anything?" this time i knew she was making fun of me. so, in my best, thickest brooklyn accent, i said, "yeah, i got a date alright. with ya mutha." she wasn't expecting that, so, in the same accent, i said, "yeah dat's right. now just gimmie da fuckin books." she got angry and said "i'll call security." i paid for the books, and was walking out. as i'm walking i said back, "i'll fuck ya mutha. if ya lucky." bitch had no idea what just happened. |
death to false metal. |
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Hopeful Rolling Waves
Alien Abductee
South Sandwich Islands
2154 Posts |
Posted - 03/16/2007 : 1:32:10 PM
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Stealing is funny, especially from book stores, see Wes Anderson's Bottle Rocket.
Dan, that's funny, but she was right to make fun of you. |
http://db.etree.org/hopefulrollingwaves/ < My Trading List |
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rubylith
Fluffy-Esque
1915 Posts |
Posted - 03/16/2007 : 1:36:06 PM
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A child took a crap on the floor next to the bathroom at my work. That's all I got.
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KevinLesko
Alien Abductee
3712 Posts |
Posted - 03/16/2007 : 1:41:21 PM
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| That's a good story, people never fail to amaze me. |
god
Kevin |
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dan p.
Alien Abductee
Uganda
3776 Posts |
Posted - 03/16/2007 : 2:05:28 PM
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| absolutely she was right to make fun of me. i wouldn't have known what to think if she hadn't. i wasn't angry, i just felt like fucking around with her. |
death to false metal. |
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Hopeful Rolling Waves
Alien Abductee
South Sandwich Islands
2154 Posts |
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gnome44
Yak Addict
749 Posts |
Posted - 03/16/2007 : 2:41:46 PM
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I'm an idiot. I didn't realize from the initial story that the guy was trying to steal the mags. I guess you can pretty much ignore most of my first post.
Carry on... |
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Arthen
Alien Abductee
USA
4845 Posts |
Posted - 03/16/2007 : 2:51:37 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by dan p.
i was in a barnes and noble recently. i had to go grab a copy of the dungeons and dragons core rulebook 3.5 because i got sick of passing one around anytime someone in our 6 member party wanted to cast a spell or look up a feat. then i see a star wars book i wanted, so i picked it up. i get up to counter, and the girl takes the books. as she's scanning them, she looks at them and says "big night out tonight?" i thought i detected sarcasm in her voice, but i let it pass. i just smiled slightly and shook my head no. then she said "really. no hot date or anything?" this time i knew she was making fun of me. so, in my best, thickest brooklyn accent, i said, "yeah, i got a date alright. with ya mutha." she wasn't expecting that, so, in the same accent, i said, "yeah dat's right. now just gimmie da fuckin books." she got angry and said "i'll call security." i paid for the books, and was walking out. as i'm walking i said back, "i'll fuck ya mutha. if ya lucky." bitch had no idea what just happened.
At least you weren't buying stacks of Manga. You shouldn't thrown a couple of porno mags on top of the D&D shit. |
Steve Hackett: "I'm my own opening act, you see."
Tim (before "Faceoff"): "Peace, love....and SEX!"
cbenc41@hotmail.com |
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Muskrat
Chatterbox
USA
266 Posts |
Posted - 03/17/2007 : 10:59:51 AM
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| The thing is... he probably wasn't trying to STEAL the magazines... just USE them... we find unwrapped porn mags in the bathroom all the time. |
"You know, if you live long enough, eventually you're gonna die." -Words of wisdom from my dad |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 03/17/2007 : 12:21:08 PM
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I give you a lot of credit for working at B&N.
I like the store, although I mostly go there to have coffee in their cafe (Star Bucks coffee). I can get my books cheaper on line at amazon and other sites although I do like browsing in the store and looking at their discount books.
What really pisses me off is when I go to B&N for coffee and people are sitting at the tables reading magazines and books, slopping their coffee, etc all over everything, and then get up and leave without buying any of them!
I also hate it when there is a long line waiting to buy something to drink/eat and there is no place to sit because most of the tables are taken by people who are reading and have no food/drink in front of them. I always wondered why B&N didn't post signs saying the tables were for the cafe patrons only, or only purchased reading material allowed in the cafe.
As for your story, I knew EXACTLY what he was up to (no pun intended). LOL Ya know, if he knew the store was closing in minutes, he must have thought he could "relieve" himself pretty damned quick, which makes me think he probably isn't much fun in bed. haha
quote:
we find unwrapped porn mags in the bathroom all the time.
YUCK! |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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dan p.
Alien Abductee
Uganda
3776 Posts |
Posted - 03/18/2007 : 4:38:07 PM
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yeah, but he was black, so. . .
also, do people seriously pull it in barnes and noble bathrooms? i wouldn't be able to do that. |
death to false metal. |
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Muskrat
Chatterbox
USA
266 Posts |
Posted - 03/18/2007 : 11:34:26 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by dan p.
...do people seriously pull it in barnes and noble bathrooms? i wouldn't be able to do that.
Unfortunately, yes. We find magsat least once a week. |
"You know, if you live long enough, eventually you're gonna die." -Words of wisdom from my dad |
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Ranting Thespian
Fluffy-Esque
USA
1283 Posts |
Posted - 03/19/2007 : 04:00:10 AM
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I was working at a grocery store one night, and a messed up guy (in his 20s) with nothing but overalls and a trenchcoat stuffed two bottles of booze down his pants. They didn't catch him in time.
The next day, I was working, the same guy came back in, wearing the same stuff, stuffed the same booze down his pants, walked to the door, two cops and our security guard were standing there, made him remove the booze, and booked him.
How fucking stupid can you be???????????? |
Not communicating can hurt more than any word that can be said -
Nick
-the Ranting Thespian |
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Hard up for some fun times?!
