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Jay
Alien Abductee
Vatican City
2279 Posts |
 Posted - 08/08/2003 : 03:28:33 AM
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There's two different ways this could go, wonderbread boy. It could sit on your dresser and fill with ants or it can go in the dishwasher. Your choice. An' I'm tellin' ya, sweety, either way it's gonna end up dead. Dead Dead Dead Dead Dead. There's a mirror movin' inside my mind, reflecting the love that you shine on me...Thanks Richie....
In my backyard, past the deck, past the mine field (home of Lawn cigars...aka dog shit), past the weeds...There's a pet cemetary. There's a dog, two gerbils, three snakes, three iguanas, two inoles, four birds, and six hamsters. Or somethin'. Anyway, hamsters are no good in my family...let me explain.
Rocky:
My first, died in my little 7 year old hands. He shit out his intestines after eating pestiside-laden lettuce. Fathered one succesful litter and two...uh...unsuccesful ones...He'd sneak out of his cage constantly...it was like magic...We even put two encyclopedias on top of his little tank cover...but...he still got out...
Beavis: Female...my brother's...she was the mother to Rocky's kids...She had one litter of aboot a dozen little guys...The second litter...well..she bit their heads off, piled them in the corner of the cage, and covered them with those little woodchip things...about half of the third litter was saved, though. She got out one night, and, to our great suprise, found her way INTO to walls via a small hole underneath the bathroom vanity...For a week or so we heard her crawling about...gradually she made her way to the staircase wall, but unfortunatly, bit the electric wire at the same moment my sister threw the switch. Buzz....
Ahbrah: My second hamster. My mom, deciding that it was time to clean the tank, took it out on the deck, and set it in the shade. She cleaned the tank but thought..."Oh well, it's a nice day." and left the tank in the shade on the deck...well, shade goes away...this is a concept that I STILL have to explain to my mom...And uh...the hamster was literally "cooked" out on the deck.
#3: I don't remember this one's name...it died to quickly. It kept getting out...It built a little nest by the dryer, and dragged dog food out to the nest to eat...I thought it was cute. So uh...I kept finding it lurching about the kitchen, finding grains of rice or something...and I'd take it back to the tank...One day, it got out, and I couldn't find it...no one could...A week went by...nothing...Then the dryer stopped working...So My dad, being the handyman, pulls the dryer out from the wall, and begins to remove the back panel...Something's in the fan...He reaches in and feels something gooey...He's shocked to see blood...Well, to make a short story long, (how many dyslexics does it change to take a light bulb?) my dad pulled out hamster parts from the fan, and yelled, "Dryer's fixed!!!!!" they didn't tell me what happened for many, many moons.
All true, I swear.
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"Hey man...you smell..."
"Oh yeah?"
"yeah...like dinner..." |
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And what a sight it was....
