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Jay
Alien Abductee
Vatican City
2279 Posts |
 Posted - 07/26/2003 : 09:48:24 AM
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Here's another one of my "Life Stories" that I seem to enjoy so much...And that I seem to force on people all the time...mostly because I love stories but really because I need to vent a little.
I'm a damn uncle now. This is really kinda creepy. I'm a 6'3" longhaired weirdo...That poor kid's gonna be scared to death. I hope I can be the "cool" uncle and make the little kid laugh a bit...But I'm rushing things...He's like three days old...I really wish I could just skip the infancy stage and go right to curious toddler. That's the best time, I think, really because you can actually talk to the kid and sort of understand what he's saying back to you. And they play instead of shitting in thier diapers and squeaking. But they're so damn cute when they're little! Ah I'm to tired to blab about babies.
The other day I was sitting on my porch with my 12 string playing a song I wrote about how terrified I am of my Grandma. As I sat there, I noticed a little rabbit happily bouncing about in my yard. I kept playing, but I watched the animal from the corner of my eye. When I was done, the rabbit looked at me, walked over to a small island of trees, and took a dump.
I also had the golden oppurtunity to play for ten drunks Saturday night. When I finished, one threw up and another one slid off his chair and fell asleep. I was very happy to have recieved such compliments.
Has anyone ever noticed how you always felt like a total jackass when you were at your friend's house and they got in trouble or started fighting with someone in their family? I always did. I was over my friend Will's house when I was about ten or so, and we were sitting in his living room with his brother Tom. Tom had in his possesion a very large rubber band gun, and as he declared, "Will, I'm going to shoot you in the eye!" Will, of course, trying to show me his tough warrior side, stood fast and stared Tom in the eye, never flinching...A tense thirty seconds went by, the gun trained keenly on Will's face as he sits on the window seat...Tom sitting in a chair, holding a mamoth rubber band gun, one eye closed and finger on the trigger...Me sitting on a couch next to the christmas tree which was supposed to be taken down three months ago, watching...SNAP! The rubber band flies and nails Will in the eye. He immediately starts crying and yelling...His parents run in...His dad is one hell of a lanky fellow, and always seems to be wearing nothing but tighty whities, but now he has a shirt on that says "Talk to ME, I'm a SHRINK!" He grabs Tom by both shoulders and screams, "YOU LITTLE SHIT, TOM!!!!" Will's mom immediately begins a lecture on gun safety and how no one should be firing that weapon without protective goggles. That was really weird, I didn't know what to do. So I sat there...
Another thing that makes you feel like a jackass is when you're at some public thing, like a fair or something, and you're just walking about having a good time...but this really, incredibly loud music is blaring from nine foot high speakers...and it's always something like, "It's my party, I can cry if I want too!" Why? I hate that.
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"Hey man...you smell..."
"Oh yeah?"
"yeah...like dinner..." |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 07/26/2003 : 10:16:45 AM
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Interesting to read as always Jay. I am just killing time so I was especially happy to have that to read this morning. I am waiting for the stupid mailman. I had bought my son a rather expensive cell phone last year for Christmas. One of those motorolla flip phones with all kinds of features. He was at his girlfreinds house on 4th of July. She has a gorgeous swimming pool and it was a hot day so they spent a lot of time in the pool. When he got out he used his phone to call a friend and put it in his pocket not thinking he would go back in the pool. I received this call:
"Mom, you try to call me?"
"No why?"
"Do we have insurance on my phone?"
"Yes, why?"
"Well I got out of the pool, made a call and put it in my pocket. I didn't think we would be going back in the pool and...."
"Damnit Bill, you went in the pool with your phone in your pocket?"
"Yep I forgot it was in there."
"Obviously"
"So will the insurance cover it?"
"I will have to see, we will talk about this when you get home."
Ah yes another of those uncomfortable moments, Jay. So I was told the new phone should have arrived yesterday. They said they only make 3 attempts at delivery as it must be signed for. I waited around all day yesterday. My husband was off and we were going to do some errands but couldn't because I had to wait for the friggin phone to come. It never did so now I am waiting again, not that I have anywhere to go, I still can't drive although I will have to on Tues. to get to my doctor appt. because everyone else in the family will be at work.
Now that I have written a story, didn't really mean to , I will just end by saying I know what you mean about babies. With my daughter I couldn't wait for her to do things, crawl, talk, walk, play, etc. When my son came along I was far more relaxed and wasn't at all anxious for him to start doing things. Maybe that is why my daughter is on the hyper/demanding side and my son is real laid back and easy going.
Give it TIMe Jay, it will all happen in TIMe and he will love you! Think what an awesome view he will have when Uncle Jay puts him on his shoulders!  |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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Arthen
Alien Abductee
USA
4845 Posts |
Posted - 07/26/2003 : 2:43:20 PM
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Your stories are awesome. Did you write a song about that rabbit? I generally get inspired by animals.
And you're gonna be an awesome uncle. |
Steve Hackett: "I'm my own opening act, you see."
Tim (before "Faceoff"): "Peace, love....and SEX!"
cbenc41@hotmail.com |
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thomasode
Yak Addict
565 Posts |
Posted - 07/26/2003 : 9:53:59 PM
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| Man do I know about cell phones and pools and the combination of both....not cool, haha. any who....Jay, with the little guy....think of it this way. the longer he just sits there and shits his pants, the longer you have with out a potentially annoying kid. I know I was a pain in the ass, I dont think anyone wanted to be around me hahaa. TIMe jay...TIMe |
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Jay
Alien Abductee
Vatican City
2279 Posts |
Posted - 07/28/2003 : 01:54:14 AM
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| Arthen, I have written a song about a rabbit...It's called "Punk ass theiving rabbit assholes keep eating my lettuces." It was a DD-5 jam... |
"Hey man...you smell..."
"Oh yeah?"
"yeah...like dinner..." |
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Jay
Alien Abductee
Vatican City
2279 Posts |
Posted - 07/28/2003 : 01:56:23 AM
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| Oh, and about cell phones...I feel for ya...My sister came home drunk one night and dropped hers in a glass of water... |
"Hey man...you smell..."
"Oh yeah?"
"yeah...like dinner..." |
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Miss Sorrel
Yak Addict
593 Posts |
Posted - 07/28/2003 : 10:05:46 AM
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Jay, again... Holden Caufield... Uncle Holden... you crack me up.
And Pam, that little interaction is classic... I love the "No why?" followed by a "yes why".
Over a year ago a guy that I was dating got pissed off about something and took my uninsured phone, went outside and threw it across the street and I heard it shatter into pieces when it hit the neighbors white picket fence (we were house sitting... I have never lived in a neighborhood with white picket fences).
So naturally I was pissed off, but I think I would have had to take him to small claims to get him to pay for a new one... so I called AT&T and tried to b.s. myself a new phone... and the woman just isn't buying it... so then I just broke down and told her the truth in a venting way... and she felt so bad for me that she not only gave me a free phone, not to mention, a much nicer one... now though, I hate my cell phone and get tempted to throw it out my car window when I am on the highway... |
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Sometimes, ya know...sometimes....
