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dick mountjoy
Chatterbox
USA
176 Posts |
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Erich with an h
Yak Addict
USA
853 Posts |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
 Posted - 10/06/2002 : 3:40:46 PM
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Yeah! Bomb the Other Place!
"Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor's a lot like a woman: you just have to read the manual and push the right button." - Homer |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 10/06/2002 : 4:29:27 PM
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I know this has nothing to do with the previous article, but it's still funny.
http://www.theonion.com/onion3836/toy-buying_tips.html
"Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor's a lot like a woman: you just have to read the manual and push the right button." - Homer |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2002 : 03:07:21 AM
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Gov. Bush Seeks U.N. Support For 'U.S. Does Whatever It Wants' Plan
UNITED NATIONS—In an address before the U.N. General Assembly Monday, President Bush called upon the international community to support his "U.S. Does Whatever It Wants" plan, which would permit the U.S. to take any action it wishes anywhere in the world at any time.
"As a shining beacon of freedom and democracy, America has inspired the world," said Bush in his 25-minute address. "With its military might, it has kept the peace and bravely defended the unalienable [sic] rights of millions around the globe. In this spirit, I call upon the world's nations to support my proposal to give America unrestricted carte blanche to remove whatever leaders, plunder whatever resources, and impose whatever policies it deems necessary or expedient."
According to top Bush Administration officials, if the measure is passed by the U.N.—and possibly if it is not—the U.S. would immediately launch invasions of Iraq, North Korea, and Cuba; establish oil-drilling operations in Siberia; install nuclear-missile silos in Mongolia along the Chinese border; make English the official language of the planet; detain thousands of Middle Eastern nationals currently in the U.S. on temporary visas; begin each day with a moment of worldwide prayer; and prohibit Japan and Germany from manufacturing automobiles.
In addition, no demonstration against U.S. actions by any foreign nation or individual would be permitted. Any such protestation would be deemed a high crime subject to a U.N. tribunal, with those found guilty flown to Texas for execution by lethal injection.
"After the unspeakable events of last Sept. 11, the U.S. was deeply touched by the outpouring of support and condolences from our neighbors and allies the world over," Bush said. "This kindness played a vital role in our national healing process, but, more importantly, it cemented our long-standing self-image as the country, with all other nations lumped together into a vague, foreign Other Place. I call upon you now to join us in our vision of America as the only country whose wishes matter."
Bush then turned to the pressing issue of Iraq.
"Despite repeated American efforts to change the situation, Saddam Hussein defiantly continues his longtime policy of being the president of Iraq," Bush said. "The time has come for this man to step down, because we want him to."
"While there exist many grave threats to America abroad, we suffer still more problems—from unemployment to a lack of quality, affordable housing—right here at home," Bush said. "After this resolution is passed, we will begin a 10-year project to clean out our nation's landfills and toxic-waste sites, transport the materials to Central American jungles, and build low-cost housing on the newly cleared land. This would solve the housing shortage, create thousands of construction jobs, and improve our nation's environment, all in one fell swoop."
As much of a boon as it would be to America, Bush stressed that his plan will also benefit the rest of the world, giving foreigners greater access than ever to American goods and entertainment.
"From the Beijing businessman who treats his family to dinner at KFC to the New Delhi textile worker who unwinds after a hard day's work by watching Friends, the world community has embraced our many wonderful cultural and commercial exports," Bush said. "As part of my plan, the U.S. will be allowed to export its products tariff-free, while other countries' goods will be subject to heavy taxes. This will help ensure that people the world over will continue to enjoy our computers, DVDs, and soft drinks, free of the clutter of competing non-American goods on their store shelves."
Bush concluded his speech by calling upon the U.N. to fly an extra-large U.S. flag outside its headquarters, high above the other member nations' flags.
"From the Monroe Doctrine to our ignoring of the Kyoto Treaty, America has always boldly defied the powers that be. Ever since its founding, this great nation has courageously asserted its will, bravely tuning out the objections of the other nations of the world," Bush said at the speech's conclusion. "I urge you today, do not let that legacy die. Allow us to continue our long-standing tradition of getting our way."
Global reaction to Bush's plan has been mixed, with 56 percent of Americans in support and 100 percent of non-Americans strongly opposed.
Sorry for posting the whole thing, but it is far to funny and I was afraid it might go away from their site. So I was trying to save it for all to see.
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy          |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2002 : 03:10:59 AM
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I posted this joke elsewhere on the board but it seems so apropos to the Onion article I had to post it here as well. Probably because it is hysterical and sadly, oh sooo true like the Onion article. ENJOY?
Man walks into a bar. There in the bar sit Gov. Bush and Colon Powell(by the way, those are not typos. I do not recognize Bush as the Prez as he was never rightfully elected to the office and Powells is pretty obvious I think. Sorry for the momentary tangent away from the joke)discussing WW III and how they can start it.
Man decides this is his opportunity to get inside the minds of the so-called leaders and the decision making process. He asks, "So what are your plans for world domination Mr. Bush?"
Gov. Bush answers, "Well first we are going to kill millions of Iraqis and then we are going to blow up a big breasted blond."
Man gets confused look on his face and asks, "Why in the world are you going to blow up a big breasted blond?!!!"
Gov. Bush smiles, turns to Colon Powell and punches Colon in the arm and says, "SEE!!! I told you noone would care about a bunch of Iraqis!!"
Scary how true this joke might actually be.
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2002 : 05:12:37 AM
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Hehe......I was watching In The Line of Fire today on TBS......and when Eastwood said that he doesn't like to hang out with the president because he's afraid that he won't want to take a bullet for him after getting to know him.......I found it funny because I'm sure that's the way he would feel about Bush right now. Although it would be tragic, it would still seem comical if a man pulled a gun and shot him while the SS men just watched......maybe even clearing a shot. Hehe.....that seems like something that would happen on Family Guy.....God I miss that show! D'oh well, at least I have almost all the episodes on CD.
"Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor's a lot like a woman: you just have to read the manual and push the right button." - Homer |
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enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
Posted - 10/19/2002 : 7:16:19 PM
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quote:
that seems like something that would happen on Family Guy.....God I miss that show! D'oh well, at least I have almost all the episodes on CD.
Ok, a few questions. Can you copy and send the episodes of family guy?
Do you like King Of the Hill? I think that's probably one of the funniest shows on television right now, second only to the Simpsons.
And do you know when the third season Simpsons dvd will be out?
Yes, I know those are pretty unrelated questions, but I don't care. |
Tim Reynolds Downloads
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. - Leo Kottke
I hate beating people over the head with anything. We can all make up our own minds. What we don’t have is enough music. More music please. - Leo Kottke |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 10/19/2002 : 11:02:24 PM
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OK.........I will send you those episodes. I was going to send them sooner, but I have absolutely no money right now......so hopefully I'll be able to send them out by the beginning of the month. On thing that sucks is that a few episodes are missing, and a couple have no sound. But I'm sure you don't care very much about that.
I have seen King of the Hill. I originally thought it was stupid until I realized that they were making fun of all the characters. I do think it's very funny......however, whenever I remember to see it, the same 5 episodes seem to come up. So I don't have a very good base to discuss it.
The last I heard, the 3rd season of the Simpsons isn't even in production yet, so it will be a while. It looks like a new season will come out every 6 months at this point in TIMe.......meaning that the 3rd will come out early next year. |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2002 : 01:26:49 AM
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Damnit, I was hoping they'd release the new dvd in time for Christmas (which would really be the smart thing to do, don't you think?).
KOTH is a really funny show, but yeah, I see some episodes over and over. Of course, they don't have 13 seasons worth of shows to pull from.
And I wasn't asking for the Family Guy discs. I really just wanted to know what format they were in and how you watched them; on your computer? I'd probably have such a pain in the ass watching them (what with all the 'codec' crap everyone is always talking about) that I'd hardly get to see them. But thanks if you do send them, and it's ok if you don't. |
Tim Reynolds Downloads
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. - Leo Kottke
I hate beating people over the head with anything. We can all make up our own minds. What we don’t have is enough music. More music please. - Leo Kottke |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2002 : 03:15:04 AM
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| Most of the videos are wmp files.......but there are a few in QuickTime. I don't think that you would have any problem playing them on your computer. |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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Fun Stuff The Onion
