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LizT
Fluffy-Esque
USA
1687 Posts |
 Posted - 06/05/2002 : 10:39:14 PM
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I'm in need of a few good laughs.. I'll share the recent
jokes I've received. Care to share any of your own??
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play.
So he goes to a priest and asks....... for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on the Sabbath."
The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?" So he goes to a
minister, who...... after all...... is a married man........ and experienced in this matter.
He queries the minister and receives the same reply.
"Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!"
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi.
The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, " My son, sex is definitely play."
The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"
The Rabbi softly speaks, "My son...... if sex were work...... my wife would have the maid do it."
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LizT
Fluffy-Esque
USA
1687 Posts |
Posted - 06/05/2002 : 10:41:02 PM
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The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date
with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her
grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare
go out like that! The teenager tells her, "Loosen up,
Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your
rosebuds show!" and out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the
grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The
teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother
that she has friends coming over and that it is just
not appropriate..... The grandmother says, "Loosen up,
Sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can
display my hanging baskets."
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revrendmaynard14
Chatterbox
USA
359 Posts |
Posted - 06/05/2002 : 10:41:06 PM
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What is more powerful than God, more evil than the devil, the rich need it, the poor have it and if you eat it you'll die?
*~Kaleigh~* |
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LizT
Fluffy-Esque
USA
1687 Posts |
Posted - 06/05/2002 : 10:43:52 PM
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A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from
Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats,why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to
ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The
boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother
that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Your mother can explain it to you."
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revrendmaynard14
Chatterbox
USA
359 Posts |
Posted - 06/05/2002 : 10:45:37 PM
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nothing....
Superman is flying over some city and he see wonderwoman lying on a balcony naked, and in the distance he sees a burning building, so he thinks to himself "I am faster than the speed of light, I can go save the people in the building and come back and have sex w/wonderwoman before anyone ever notices", so he saves the people, and flys back and has sex w/ wonderwoman in 3 seconds flat, well out of the corner of wonderwomans eye she sees a flash (superman) and asks Invisible man if he saw anything, and he says no, but his butt sure does hurt.
*~Kaleigh~* |
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LizT
Fluffy-Esque
USA
1687 Posts |
Posted - 06/05/2002 : 10:48:02 PM
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The "Real Story" of The Three Bears
It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest, and the Bear family is just
waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my
porridge?!? he squeaks.
Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my Porridge?" he roars.
Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For God's sake, how many times do we have to go through this?
It was Momma Bear who got up first.
It was Momma Bear who woke up everyone in the house.
It was Momma Bear who made the Coffee.
It was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away.
It was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch
the newspaper.
It was Momma Bear who set the table.
It was Momma Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box, and
filled the cat's water and food dish.
And, now that you've decided to drag your sorry asses downstairs, and
grace Momma Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I'm only going to say this one more time . . .
"I HAVEN'T MADE THE DAMN PORRIDGE YET!!"
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LizT
Fluffy-Esque
USA
1687 Posts |
Posted - 06/05/2002 : 10:50:13 PM
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LOL! That's a good one Kaleigh! Thanks
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revrendmaynard14
Chatterbox
USA
359 Posts |
Posted - 06/05/2002 : 10:53:04 PM
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This chinese guy goes into a bar in an airport, and sits next to an american guy to have a drink, and the chinese guy starts talking about how great America is, and its the chinese guys first time here, so the american asks him if he has flown yet, and the chinese guy says "of corse I had to fly to get here" and the american says, "no, in america you can fly on your own, and the chinese guy of course doesnt believe him, and the american says he will show him, and if he can if the chinese guy will if he does so the chinese guy says "well, if you can I will" so the american flys around the airport and comes back in and tells the chinese guy to do it, so the chinese guy jumps out the window and falls to the ground dead, and the bartender who has heard the whole conversation looks at the american and says "damn you're mean when you're drunk Superman.
*~Kaleigh~* |
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LizT
Fluffy-Esque
USA
1687 Posts |
Posted - 06/05/2002 : 10:57:47 PM
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I have one more and I need to get some sleep. Nite Nite!
Two old women
Two old women were talking and exchanging notes on their sexual
activities.
The first old woman told the second old woman that sometimes she gets her husband excited at night by getting totally naked, lying in bed and putting her two legs behind her head yoga style.
The second old woman thought that was a great idea, so that night, when her husband went in the bathroom to get ready for bed, she got totally naked, and began the process of putting her two legs behind her head. The first leg was kind of tough to put in place as she was a bit arthritic, but she finally got it in place.
She had an even tougher time with the second leg, so she rocked herself backwards until she finally got it behind her head. However, she had rocked just a little too hard so that she flipped slightly backwards and got stuck with her butt sticking straight up in the air. It was just then that her husband came out of the bathroom.
"Gladys!" he exclaimed. "For heavens sake, comb your hair and put your teeth in - you look like an asshole!"
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LizT
Fluffy-Esque
USA
1687 Posts |
Posted - 06/05/2002 : 10:59:07 PM
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Thanks Kaleigh!
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revrendmaynard14
Chatterbox
USA
359 Posts |
Posted - 06/05/2002 : 11:12:27 PM
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A guy goes on a business trip and has to stay at a hotel, well it is about 2 am, and hard to find a hotel thats not full, so he finally finds a rather empty one, and he goes to his room and decides to take a shower, while in the shower he realizes he has no soap and his clothes are all wet from the shower water...so he thinks since there are not very many people in the hotel so he will go get it naked (very outgoing male) so he goes and gets 2 bars of soap and as he gets closer to his room he hears someone coming so he stands very still like a statue, then 2 old woman come around the corner and see him and his soap and think he actually is a statue, so they walk up to him, the first old lady (being rather frisky) pulls the "statues" penis and he drops one soap bar, and then the other pulls it again and he drops the other, then the first lady pulls it again and nothing happens, so she does it again and again and looks at the other old lady and says "look, liquid soap"....
*~Kaleigh~* |
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Silky The Pimp
Alien Abductee
3321 Posts |
Posted - 06/05/2002 : 11:49:48 PM
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I'll keep the tone clean since the rest are...
Farmer Joe is suing a trucking company over injuries he suffered in an auto accident. The company's lawyer begins to cross-examine the plaintiff.
"Isn't it true you said, 'I'm fine,' at the scene of the accident?" asks the lawyer.
"Well, I'll tell you what happened," Farmer Joe starts.
"Did you or did you not say, 'I'm fine!" thunders the lawyer.
"Let me explain," pleads the farmer. "I had just loaded my mule Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the highway when this semi-truck crashed into us. I was hurt real bad. When the highway patrolman came on the scene, he heard Bessie moaning and groaning. He took one look at her, pulled out his gun, and shot her between the eyes.
Then he came across the road with his gun in his hand, looked at me, and said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you?"
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revrendmaynard14
Chatterbox
USA
359 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2002 : 02:54:42 AM
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lol, good one
*~Kaleigh~* |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2002 : 6:08:37 PM
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kaleigh asked:quote:
What is more powerful than God, more evil than the devil, the rich need it, the poor have it and if you eat it you'll die?
NOTHING
HMMMM, I thought it would be Government Subsidies.
Quick and old one:
Minnie Mouse and Mickey Mouse are in divorce court.
Judge says:So Mickey, you want a divorce from Minnie because she is crazy?
Mickey answers: I never said she was crazy, I said she was fucking Goofy.
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy          |
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Saint Jude
Alien Abductee
USA
2144 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2002 : 6:12:32 PM
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ha, puns are fun
- Without you, without you everything falls apart
Without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces.
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revrendmaynard14
Chatterbox
USA
359 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2002 : 10:20:42 PM
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lol, I have heard that before..a long TIMe ago..it's classic
*~Kaleigh~* |
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tericee
Alien Abductee
USA
2579 Posts |
Posted - 06/07/2002 : 01:14:05 AM
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Those were great! Thanks everyone.
teri
Did I mention that I finished a marathon? |
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revrendmaynard14
Chatterbox
USA
359 Posts |
Posted - 06/07/2002 : 03:10:39 AM
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No problem, but I think I like brain teasers more than jokes.
*~Kaleigh~* |
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genome
Fluffy-Esque
1098 Posts |
Posted - 06/09/2002 : 1:48:27 PM
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My two favorites...
____________
What does an old woman smell like?
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Depends.
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What do the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
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.
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They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.
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?uoyt' ner a, mehtf oenoer 'uoY |
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KevinLesko
Alien Abductee
3712 Posts |
Posted - 06/09/2002 : 1:59:33 PM
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Q: How does Snoop Doggy Dogg get his whites whiter, and his brights brighter?
A: Clorox with BLEIATCH
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LizT
Fluffy-Esque
USA
1687 Posts |
Posted - 06/09/2002 : 8:46:26 PM
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Thanks for the smiles and laughs everyone! All I can say is you guys and gals are the most awesome people! Thanks ya!!
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LizT
Fluffy-Esque
USA
1687 Posts |
Posted - 06/09/2002 : 8:53:30 PM
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I went to party last night and that certainly brightened my spirits.
Let's just say HOT TUB!!! I think I was in there about 4 hours. It was the most relaxing and enjoyable TIMe I've had since my Cali trip.
The band was excellent, the food was good and the people were very nice. I made many new friends last night. It was tough to call it a night, I got home about 4 am. I haven't done that in a long TIMe. I could do without the hangover though. LOL!
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LizT
Fluffy-Esque
USA
1687 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2002 : 6:42:05 PM
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Here's a funny one for the aging crowd.
Dr. Seuss On The Golden Years
I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
Oh My God What can I do
My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell!
My mood is bad--can you tell?
My body's drooping
Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years have come at last
The Golden Years can kiss my ass.
Dr. Seuss
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{=HTG=}
Alien Abductee
USA
2342 Posts |
Posted - 09/12/2002 : 9:47:05 PM
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Walk up to someone and say:
Dwight says you suck cock.
(the person is supposed to say)Dwight who? (you reply)
Dwight around your mouth.....
Hahahhahahaahahha, get it? It's hilarious isnt it? No, dont think so 'eh? Sigh*
"Oh come on boy think-what would Jesus do? He'd shake his head like an angry mother Smoke the boy and said I did what I could do." DMB-Raven |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 09/13/2002 : 4:50:12 PM
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A classic....
quote:
Twat did you say? I cunt pussably hair you. I got an ear infuction. Bare Ass again, or I will have to finger it out later.
"Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor's a lot like a woman: you just have to read the manual and push the right button." - Homer |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 10/23/2002 : 09:05:12 AM
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Can't remember if I already posted this one or not. It has become my new favorite joke. Probably because it is hysterical and oh sooo true.
Man walks into a bar. There in the bar sit Gov. Bush and Colon Powell(by the way, those are not typos. I do not recognize Bush as the Prez as he was never rightfully elected to the office and Powells is pretty obvious I think. Sorry for the momentary tangent away from the joke)discussing WW III and how they can start it.
Man decides this is his opportunity to get inside the minds of the so-called leaders and the decision making process. He asks, "So what are your plans for world domination Mr. Bush?"
Gov. Bush answers, "Well first we are going to kill millions of Iraqis and then we are going to blow up a big breasted blond."
Man gets confused look on his face and asks, "Why in the world are you going to blow up a big breasted blond?!!!"
Gov. Bush smiles, turns to Colon Powell and punches Colon in the arm and says, "SEE!!! I told you noone would care about a bunch of Iraqis!!"
Scary how true this joke might actually be.
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Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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therippa
Fluffy-Esque
Kazakhstan
1099 Posts |
Posted - 10/23/2002 : 11:31:52 AM
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Q: Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
A: Because she's a woman (apologies to the ladies on the board) |
Aspiring to Be Fluffy-Esque an Alien Abductee! |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 10/23/2002 : 5:44:25 PM
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| BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 10/23/2002 : 7:04:40 PM
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| Hahahahahaha!!!!! That's great! That reminds me of the TIMe I was watching the Jetsons and Jane was learning to drive. Man! There were so many bad female driver jokes I was surprised the femi-nazis let it on the air. It must have slipped by them. |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
Posted - 10/23/2002 : 7:38:53 PM
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Yeah, I know a fair share of female jokes, too... Also know a fair share of Helen Keller jokes... But my all time favorite joke, related to neither of these two above...
What do toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise have in common
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They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons. |
Tim Reynolds Downloads
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. - Leo Kottke
I hate beating people over the head with anything. We can all make up our own minds. What we don’t have is enough music. More music please. - Leo Kottke |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 10/24/2002 : 01:45:17 AM
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Hehe....I just remembered a joke that my dad told me.
There are three roosters sitting on a picket fence waiting for the sun to rise. There's a normal rooster, a dyslexic rooster, and a gay rooster. The sun rises and the first one says "Cock-a-doodle-doo!"......then the second says, "Doodle-doodle-cock!"......finally the gay one says, "Any-cock'll-doo!" |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2002 : 04:33:29 AM
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| Did you hear about Helen Keller, she fell in a well and screamed until her hands were black and blue. |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2002 : 12:57:08 PM
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She also burned her ear when she answered the iron...
brrrring... brrrring...
then they called back...doh |
Tim Reynolds Downloads
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. - Leo Kottke
I hate beating people over the head with anything. We can all make up our own minds. What we don’t have is enough music. More music please. - Leo Kottke |
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therippa
Fluffy-Esque
Kazakhstan
1099 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2002 : 1:48:41 PM
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God, here's another offensive one...
Q: How do you make a Chinese person blind?
A: Put a winshield in front of him.
ZING!! No seriously folks, I'm here all week. |
Aspiring to Be Fluffy-Esque an Alien Abductee! |
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KevinLesko
Alien Abductee
3712 Posts |
Posted - 10/25/2002 : 5:43:39 PM
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These are actually stand-up jokes.. a bit different than a normal joke, just picture someone like Jerry Seinfeld saying it.
"I was at a casino the other day and a security guy told me I was blocking the fire exit..... As if I wouldn't run if there were a fire" "If you are flamable and have legs, you can never be blocking a fire exit"
"I love how when everyone shows you a picture, they say 'hey look at this picture of me when i was younger' I say no shit, every picture of you is when you were younger. I wanna see some guy come up to me and say 'hey check out this picture of me when I was older'" |
god
Kevin |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 10/28/2002 : 07:05:31 AM
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Those are great Kev!!! ROTFLMAO, especially at the second one.
Now back to therippa, I have one to add in the tasteless, racist joke arena. Along the same lines as yours.
Why do they give drivers licenses to people you can blind fold with dental floss?
by the way, it's not MY joke, I heard it from some comedian somewhere. I just LMAO when I heard it. |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 10/28/2002 : 07:22:47 AM
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I heard it this way:
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face?
She answer the iron.
How did she burn the other side of her face?
They called back.
More for the sick fucks:
How did Helen Keller drive herself crazy?
Trying to read a stucco wall.
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
She needs the other to moan with.
How come she didn't scream when she fell off the cliff?
She was wearing mittens
Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
You would too if your name was 'Urghrrghrghr'.
Have you heard of the new Helen Keller doll?
Wind it up and it walks into walls.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Corduroy.
How did Helen Keller break her arm?
Trying to read a stop sign at 60mph.
Why don't blind people skydive?
It scares the hell out of their dogs.
If Helen Keller was masturbating and her mom caught her, would she still say, "Stop that, or you'll go blind?"
How did Helen Keller burn her fingers?
Trying to read the waffle iron.
Helen Keller jokes are crude, offensive, and could serve as a prime example of what's "politically incorrect". Why is this? It seems to be mostly because they poke fun at a cultural icon. A person who triumphed in the face of overwhelming adversity, displaying the best qualities of our species, a shining example of all that makes us human, blah, blah, blah. But that isn't the whole picture. Making fun of heroes is traditional, and goes back at least as far as the dawn of recorded history.
Also missing is the other side of the equation. If no-one found these jokes amusing, they'd die out instantly. But they live on, retold over and over, enjoyed by millions. So there must be some appeal. Part of this, naturally, is the thrill of the forbidden -- something this obviously disrespectful must be naughty.
However, I think there's another piece to the puzzle. The heart of these jokes is the capricious way fate picks on everybody. Even heroes have their foibles, make mistakes, have accidents. Even heroic methods of dealing with life have their pitfalls. And recognizing this universal truth, that we are all indeed equal under the laws of humour, is, to me, as much a part of what makes us human as the qualities that enabled Helen Keller to achieve a full life from dark, lonely, fumbling beginnings.
John Rehwinkel
PS ANYONE WHO LAUGHED IS GOING TO HELL
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Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Silky The Pimp
Alien Abductee
3321 Posts |
Posted - 10/28/2002 : 11:44:00 AM
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How are a mexican and a cue ball alike?
The harder you hit them, the more english you get out of them. |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/05/2002 : 04:31:49 AM
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What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter, he won't come whatever you call him. |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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therippa
Fluffy-Esque
Kazakhstan
1099 Posts |
Posted - 11/06/2002 : 12:43:47 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Silky The Pimp
How are a mexican and a cue ball alike?
The harder you hit them, the more english you get out of them.
Why don't vampires bite mexicans?
Because they'd have the shits for two weeks |
Aspiring to Be Fluffy-Esque an Alien Abductee! |
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babatunji
Is Anybody Here?
USA
36 Posts |
Posted - 11/08/2002 : 06:52:06 AM
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did you hear about the TIMe hellen keller burned her hand reading the waffle iron?
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what's the difference between a dumb blond and a bowling ball?
you can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
**********************
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{=HTG=}
Alien Abductee
USA
2342 Posts |
Posted - 11/08/2002 : 07:22:49 AM
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quote:
Why don't vampires bite mexicans?
Because they'd have the shits for two weeks
Man oh man, that one was great.  |
'HTG, are you a cute girl?'
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babatunji
Is Anybody Here?
USA
36 Posts |
Posted - 11/08/2002 : 09:36:37 AM
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-NO OFFENSE INTENDED-
what's the difference between a fag and a freezer?
freezers don't fart when you pull the meat out.
********************
what's the difference between a fag and a microwave?
microwaves don't brown your meat.
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LizT
Fluffy-Esque
USA
1687 Posts |
Posted - 11/08/2002 : 8:09:29 PM
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Baba!  LOL! Silly boy! |
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TalkingNeurons
Yak Addict
523 Posts |
Posted - 11/08/2002 : 10:16:18 PM
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quote:
Why don't vampires bite mexicans?
Because they'd have the shits for two weeks
.... I don't get it.... |
"Now that's ripe!"
lnk cr b82rez 2g4
"Me was tryin' to save time."
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
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TalkingNeurons
Yak Addict
523 Posts |
Posted - 11/13/2002 : 12:14:41 AM
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quote:
23. You aren't allowed to admit that you don't get someone else's joke.
Well, would ya look at that... |
"Now that's ripe!"
lnk cr b82rez 2g4
"Me was tryin' to save time."
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2002 : 3:55:41 PM
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Sorry, but I can't let this thread disappear without posting this joke (sorry if it offends)
What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe?
Canoes tip. |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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Silky The Pimp
Alien Abductee
3321 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2002 : 4:31:11 PM
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Haha you nazi.
What did the jewish man yell at the football game?
Get the quarter back... get the quarter back... |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2002 : 4:35:01 PM
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Hail Hitler.
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Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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{=HTG=}
Alien Abductee
USA
2342 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2002 : 4:44:30 PM
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| Thats too much. |
'HTG, are you a cute girl?'
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2002 : 4:50:25 PM
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Well then, how about a nice soothing pic......of Hitler.
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Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 11/24/2002 : 4:53:21 PM
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OK.....call me crazy, but doesn't Hitler have a striking resemblence to Inspector Clouseau in this pic?
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Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/27/2002 : 11:02:26 PM
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Maybe we could rename Hitler, The Pink Predator.
By the way, I am not sure where Hitlers other hand is in that picture, but it certainly does not look like the dog is enjoying it.
Dog: Mans Best Friend
Hitler: inhuMAN
Dog HATES Hitler |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/28/2002 : 6:43:16 PM
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Subject: How to tell the sex of a fly...
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around
with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone." |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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{=HTG=}
Alien Abductee
USA
2342 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2002 : 03:05:09 AM
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I just read this one:
Did you hear about the 2 car pile up?
39 Mexicans died. |
'HTG, are you a cute girl?'
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2002 : 10:00:04 AM
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| Oh man! That is too funny. I laughed so hard that I'm now positive that I'm going to hell. |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2002 : 6:47:48 PM
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Board room of the above product, chairman addresses the board:
Whose bright idea was it to do a direct marketing campaign VIA EMAIL? |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2002 : 6:51:24 PM
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| Funny.....Jason calls me sPAM....but for another reason. hehehe |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2002 : 9:37:58 PM
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In a world of political doublespeak and remaining PC, I found this comic quote to be quite funny.
(Politician speaking to members of the press)
"At the risk of sounding partisan in this TIMe of national emergency, we feel that Gov. Bush could be doing an even more WONDERFUL job than he is already doing." |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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{=HTG=}
Alien Abductee
USA
2342 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2002 : 9:42:41 PM
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quote:
Oh man! That is too funny. I laughed so hard that I'm now positive that I'm going to hell.
I know. The best part it when I first told it too people they actually thought I was serious....took a few seconds to catch on, what with me laughing and everything. |
'HTG, are you a cute girl?'
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2002 : 9:47:52 PM
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Hey Fluffy...apparently a certain person is very good at burying a certain topic....hehehehehehe.....may the kitties rest in peace...hehehe |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2002 : 10:13:51 PM
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Maybe everyone just has a lack of understanding of the word IGNORE
Here it is for those of you who aren't sure what it means:
Main Entry: ig·nore
Pronunciation: ig-'nOr, -'nor
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): ig·nored; ig·nor·ing
Etymology: obsolete ignore to be ignorant of, from French ignorer, from Latin ignorare, from ignarus ignorant, unknown, from in- + gnoscere, noscere to know —more at KNOW
Date: 1801
1 : to refuse to take notice of
Now that everyone understands the meaning of IGNORE, on to more light-hearted subjects:
UNDERSTANDING MALE LANGUAGE:
Male:Dude, you stepped on my shoe!!
Translation:I'm going to kick your ass to impress my friends, Hence the flimsy pretext.
Male:What are you looking at?
Translation:I may or may not kick your ass depending on how you respond.
Male:You'll hear from my lawyer!!
Translation:I am going to pay someone else to kick your ass because I am to busy to do it myself or just to much of a wimp.
Male:There will be no negotiations!!
Translation:I am going to kick your whole country's ass to prove an abstract point and deflect criticism from my failed domestic policies. |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2002 : 10:25:39 PM
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Oh, so you were ignoring me...damn you..hehehehe...guess you just aren't as fun as I thought!
Gotta go now and look for something fun to do....... |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2002 : 10:58:42 PM
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| Nope, not ignoring you. What gave you that idea. I was just burying that post since noone seems to understand the word IGNORE. |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2002 : 11:15:03 PM
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| SomeTIMes you really confuse me????? |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2002 : 11:57:31 PM
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It is I who is easily confused.
for clarification:
I told everyone to ignore SGWAG, but people keep responding to his comments. So I sent it to the bottom where hopefully it shall NEVER rise again.(by anyone on this boards keystroke)
All clear? What did you think I meant PJK? |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 12:33:43 AM
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Somehow I think this "clarification" is going to get things more confused but here goes!
I said I thought you were trying to bury the "cats" post....then you came up with the "ignore" thing and so I thought you were talking about me....that you were ignoring what I last said on that topic(cats/dogs)
Then you came up with the burying thing and I just got all confused especially since you did post on the cat/dog post
Now that I totally confused everyone all I can say is maybe you should have IM'd me then we could have understood each other and con't on the board......or not? |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 12:44:16 AM
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It is all clear now, we were talking about 2 different posts. HEHE How simple.
Now that that is cleared up, back to JOKES
UNDERSTANDING MALE LANGUAGE:
Male:Dude, you stepped on my shoe!!
Translation:I'm going to kick your ass to impress my friends, Hence the flimsy pretext.
Male:What are you looking at?
Translation:I may or may not kick your ass depending on how you respond.
Male:You'll hear from my lawyer!!
Translation:I am going to pay someone else to kick your ass because I am to busy to do it myself or just to much of a wimp.
Male:There will be no negotiations!!
Translation:I am going to kick your whole country's ass to prove an abstract point and deflect criticism from my failed domestic policies. |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 12:49:00 AM
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Glad we got that straight...hehehe
And for the record if the guy in the post you were talking about ever posts again I WILL ignore it.....I do really know the meaning of it, hehehe |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 12:55:57 AM
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For the record, I wasn't talking about you. You did not bring it back up to the top of the list today. Someone else did. I was in the middle of burying that when you starting talking about ignoring you and you were talking about this post. One thing led to another and there was confusion and now it is resolved and may we move back to the topic at hand....JOKES
UNDERSTANDING MALE LANGUAGE:
Male:Dude, you stepped on my shoe!!
Translation:I'm going to kick your ass to impress my friends, Hence the flimsy pretext.
Male:What are you looking at?
Translation:I may or may not kick your ass depending on how you respond.
Male:You'll hear from my lawyer!!
Translation:I am going to pay someone else to kick your ass because I am to busy to do it myself or just to much of a wimp.
Male:There will be no negotiations!!
Translation:I am going to kick your whole country's ass to prove an abstract point and deflect criticism from my failed domestic policies. |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 01:04:30 AM
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Ok, but new joke please? hehehe
Here's a dumb Christmas one:
How the Angel got to be on top of the tree
It was a bad December, the weather was extemely bad, Mrs Claus kept nagging and nagging, Santa had a cold and the elves were threatening to go on strike. The pressures were mounting and the elves announced to Santa that they were walking off the job, when in walks a little angel dragging the Christmas tree and exclaiming in a tiny voice "Santa Clause where do you want to put the tree?" |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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therippa
Fluffy-Esque
Kazakhstan
1099 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 2:53:54 PM
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Since I'm bored at work I'll write out the voodoo dick joke for you guys...the first time I heard this was in my junior year calc class - the teacher stepped out for a bit and the class clown stood up and told everyone.
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So a man marries this complete nymphomaniac. They've been married for a few weeks and everything is going well...he's taking care of her needs several times a day.
Yup, everything seems to be going great until his boss tells him that he's going to have to go on an business trip for 5 days. Immediately the man starts thinking, "Oh shit...she needs it so bad and so often, and I'm not going to be around. She's definitely going to cheat on me!"
Frustrated, the man stops by the neighborhood sex shop after work to see if he can find something that she can keep herself busy with. He's looking at the wall of dildos and says to himself, "Yeah, I could get her one of these, maybe the razorcock over there that takes 6 D-batteries, but she's going to have to use it herself, and she's going to get bored, and it's not going to work. I'm screwed."
So he explains his situation to the guy running the shop. He says, "you know, I think I may have something for you." He goes into the back and comes out a minute later with a dusty old wooden box. The man asks what's in it and he says, "the voodoo dick", opening it to reveal a dildo that looks like a totem pole. The man asks, "Well what's so special about the voodoo dick?” The shopkeeper says, "Watch...voodoo dick the door." Immediately the voodoo dick jumps out of the box and shoots towards the door. Within 3 thrusts it's been knocked off the hinges and shattered into splinters. "Voodoo dick the wall", the shopkeeper says. It jets over the wall and starts knocking holes big enough to put a basketball through. After seeing such a great display of prowess, the man confidently says, "I'll take it!" The shop keep rings him up, and says, "voodoo dick back in the box", and tells the man he must remember this to get it to go back into the box.
A little later the man arrives home, eager to show his wife her new toy. "There's no way this can fail!", he thinks to himself. He gets his wife and hands her the box, she opens it and says, "What the hell is this?" The man replies, "It's the voodoo dick!" She asks how it's used, and the man goes, "Watch...voodoo dick your pussy." The voodoo dick springs into action and start pumping away. The wife is screaming bloody hell and is cumming left and right. With a satisfied smirk on his face, the man says "voodoo dick back in the box" and it returns, meanwhile his wife is try to catch her breath.
No worries, the man thinks.
So he takes off on his trip. The first day goes by, and the wife doesn't need to use it. Second day goes by, she wants to, but chooses not to. Third day comes by and she now needs it BAD. Before she leaves for work in the morning, she says, "voodoo dick my pussy." It springs into action again and starts pumping away. She lets it do it's magic until she's satisfied, and then tries pulling it out, but it won't budge. She tries to remember what her husband did to get it back into the box, but she can't. If she doesn't leave immediately, she'll be late for work, so she decides to leave it in for a bit and call her husband when she gets to her office. She puts her clothes on, jumps in her car, and starts driving to work. But since this voodoo dick is still ferociously pounding her, she's driving like she's drunk.
Next thing she knows she's being pulled over by a cop. He comes up to her window and asks, "Hey lady, why were you driving so erratically back there?" She replies, "Oh officer, it's not my fault, it's the voodoo dick!"
The officer doesn't believe her. "Voodoo dick my ass!" he says.
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Aspiring to Be Fluffy-Esque an Alien Abductee! |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 3:09:44 PM
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HAHAHAHA.... That was great, should have seen that one coming but didn't...doah! HEHEHEHE
One of my most embarrasing moments happened at work many years ago. I worked for a verterinarian and the other technician had a mouth on her like nobodys brother. She used a lot of words but one of her favorites was dildo. I had no idea at that time what a dildo was...I was sooooo naieve. I thought it ment "silly, or dummy". A few years later I am in a huge lab, running a microbiology experiment and there was sooo much work to be done that my boss asked others in the lab to help.
We were working on petri dishes....plating out bacteria, and this one Professional man made a mess of the dish he was working on and I said"OH you're such a dildo!" No one said a thing. Later in the ladies room one of the other techs. said to me "I can't believe you called Dr.______ a dildo?" Seeing my expression she said...you do know what that is? She explained....I about died!!!!!! It was too late to apologize.....he never said anything about it and I sure as hell never brought it up! |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 11:22:55 PM
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| Your story is almost as funny as the voodoo dick story, although I did see the end coming in the voodoo dick story. Funny, none the less. I still find it hard to believe you were a working adult before you found out what a dildo was. I think I knew about dildos when I was in 5th or 6th grade. Don't get me wrong, I believe you, I just find it hard to believe in this day and age a woman could get so far in life before finding out what a dildo is. I thought girls always talked about that kind of stuff with one another. Another case of STRANGE BUT TRUE!! |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 11:25:26 PM
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WHAT DOES YOUR MAN REALLY WANT IN BED?
A)Most of the blankets
B)A beer
C)The remote
D)All of the above |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 11:41:30 PM
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Fluffy...sad but true....I didn't know what that was....this was many years ago, but I was brought up in a very strick religious family and was pretty much sheltered.
I was sooo naieve that when my husband and I were dating and he gave me a key to his apartment I thought "Wow, now this must mean he really loves me." Then one day as I was carrying his wash into his apt. while he was at work it hit me.....he was no fool, and I knew why he really gave me the key!
For the record...to quote an old saying "I've come a long way baby!" |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2002 : 12:07:20 AM
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quote:
PJK: "I've come a long way baby!"
You mean like that one pornstar...what's her name? |
Tim Reynolds Downloads
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. - Leo Kottke
I hate beating people over the head with anything. We can all make up our own minds. What we don’t have is enough music. More music please. - Leo Kottke |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2002 : 12:13:36 AM
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PJK wrote: quote:
"I can't believe you called Dr.______ a dildo?"
So are we to understand that LINE has worked with you and you know the identity of LINE, our mysterious board member. HEHE Well we now know he is a Dr. |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2002 : 2:17:24 PM
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| Man! I haven't heard that voodoo dick joke since 4th grade! A classic. |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2002 : 07:21:54 AM
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| "Voodoo dick your ass!!!" |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2002 : 09:52:51 AM
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| Voodoo dick URanus! |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2002 : 09:54:00 AM
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Playwright Jim Sherman wrote this today after Hu Jintao was named chief of
the Communist Party in China.
HU'S ON FIRST
By James Sherman
(We take you now to the Oval Office. GWB is sitting at his desk. Condoleeza
Rice enters)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of
China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle
East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get
me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And
then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N .
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too.
Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle
East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East? |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/06/2002 : 04:43:07 AM
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| I'm I the only person who would welcome a really big sex scandal right about now? |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 12/06/2002 : 06:51:47 AM
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| Nope |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/07/2002 : 06:10:15 AM
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| Guess it's not very likely with dubya in the white house. Who would FUCK him? Hell, I wouldn't even let him touch me with a cigar!! |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 12/07/2002 : 07:40:09 AM
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| I don't think one could get through the arrogance to even get close to him! Sex with dubya.....yuck!(pretend there's one of Fluffy's mr yuk pictures here, hehehe) |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/07/2002 : 08:28:11 AM
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PJK said: quote:
Sex with dubya.....yuck!
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Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 12/07/2002 : 08:33:22 AM
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| Thanks Fluffy...well done! hehehe |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/07/2002 : 09:10:05 AM
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| No problemo!! |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 12/07/2002 : 4:13:28 PM
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A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.
One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says,"Yum! I smell maple syrup!"
The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"
The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way so he says, "Geez, all I can smell is....
Scroll down.......
Get ready.....
Are you sure you're ready?
You may never forgive me for this one...
MOLASSES! |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 12/07/2002 : 8:32:50 PM
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| HAHAHAHAHA |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
Posted - 12/13/2002 : 5:23:37 PM
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That's like this one..
Hey you've smelled moth balls before, right?
[yeah]
How'd you get their legs open....
Well, how'd you get their legs open? |
Tim Reynolds Downloads
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. - Leo Kottke
I hate beating people over the head with anything. We can all make up our own minds. What we don’t have is enough music. More music please. - Leo Kottke |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 12/13/2002 : 11:05:57 PM
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| Well you see, it's tricky at first, but all you nedd are some small tweezers and.......ummm.....I mean, I have no idea. |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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Silky The Pimp
Alien Abductee
3321 Posts |
Posted - 12/14/2002 : 02:04:30 AM
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What's 20 feet long and smells like urine?
Line dancing at the nursing home. |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 12/14/2002 : 07:20:20 AM
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| hahahaha...oh god, I am so easily amused! |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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rhymsesthecat
Try A Little Harder
USA
64 Posts |
Posted - 12/14/2002 : 11:23:37 PM
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| i have a speed boat |
rhymsesthecat |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 02/24/2003 : 04:19:44 AM
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From an anonymous donor:
Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat
a blowjob.
Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.
Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your Dick?
A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A.) "Is it in?"
Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean.
Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're
screwed.
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Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 02/24/2003 : 04:22:23 AM
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| Ahhhh, screw it, we need to start a new page of jokes anyway....... |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 02/24/2003 : 04:23:48 AM
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| ....soooooo, how about a Flaming Moe! Woops, I meant......... |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Topic |
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Jokes....
