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Black Lotus
Fluffy-Esque
Burkina Faso (Upper Volta)
1043 Posts |
 Posted - 01/28/2002 : 6:37:20 PM
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Don't mind me ... just another mindless rant.
I've been through a lot in my life, no doubt most of you have as well. But, I find myself questioning everthing all over again. When I was 15, my dad moved out two days after christmas.. and thus began my downfall.
I began hanging out with the 'wrong crowd', getting bad grades in school, getting in to trouble and doung drugs ... a lot of drugs. I found myself on a downward spiral, using heroin and excessive alcohal abuse. Hell, I'd bring beer to school for lunch then top it off with a few lines of dope. Yet, I was happy. I was happy in my own self inflicted miserable state. I didn't know any better, I thought that was my purpose, that's where my journey was going to take me.
Confrontations with police and my parents became a regularity, so did my continued abuse of drugs. I flunked every year of high school and went to summer school every summer, but I was happy. I was doing what I wanted to do.
Then something happened to me ... my mother and my wife (then friend) began to believe that I had a real purpose, to do something great with myself. And within weeks, literally, I had turned my life around. I finished my (2nd) senior year of high school with a 3.5GPA and then went on to community college where I was on the Deans List every simester. Life finally began to make sense .... because of two people. Two people that I own my entire existance to (one of them, quite literally).
So, on goes life. I had to drop out of school because money ran out, but I kept going. Eventually, I got the job that I have now, got married and bought a house so I can start a family of my own. I'm also back in school because work is paying for it, things are going well.
Then life deals me a slap in the face, multiple times. It begins with a week long stay in the hospital, continues with wrecking my first brand new car (which I'm still pissed about). Then, another stay in the hospital. Now ... death.
I wonder now, the point. I know people have it a lot rougher than I do, so I'm not trying to be a whining bitch, but I'm in doubt. I don't see the point in all of this, I mean ... I finally get on my feet, I begin a wonderful life with my beautiful wife.
I dunno, I'm not feeling crazy or anything, I'm just starting to formulate a lot of questions. Questions that I know will never be answered, and that's the shitty part. I understand that everyone must die and people get sick, but fuck, it's getting old. I just went to a goddamn viewing this past friday, now another person I know dies?!?
All I can think about are the kids ... they don't have a father now. For a long time, I never spoke with my father, pretty much the whole time I was in high school we dispised eachother. Just reciently my father and I made amends and began a father son relationship again, but it can never be what it should have been. Some people never have that chance, like when your dad dies when your 8 years old. There is just something wrong with that.
I can't even finish this thought now. I'm gonna go get fucking baked and just relax.
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Stonimal rights activist with a dented ass. |
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Silky The Pimp
Alien Abductee
3321 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2002 : 7:51:10 PM
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There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
-J
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2002 : 10:06:34 PM
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quote:
I wonder now, the point. I know people have it a lot rougher than I do, so I'm not trying to be a whining bitch, but I'm in doubt. I don't see the point in all of this, I mean ... I finally get on my feet, I begin a wonderful life with my beautiful wife.
Like I said in that big ass list of questions, I think life is all aboot experiences. A perfect life is not perfect at all because nothing happens. I can use the example of Siddharta Gautama (Buddha) who lived an enclosed life and only saw positive things. His father shielded him from everything else outside the walls of the palace. One day he saw what life was really like and became the catalyst for a whole new religion. This story I think can also apply to The Truman Show.
We all have hard times and I think that we are being "tested" to see how we deal with it. And our reactions to these events shape who we are and what we will become. One thing I've found out is that you don't really appreciate the good times until they're gone. If you lived in perpetual bliss, you would never appreciate anything. A harsh example would have to be Saint Jude. He said that he loves everyone on this board and wishes us all well. I commend him for that especially. It took a death of a friend to "open his eyes" to all the good in life. Kind of ironic I guess. Life is like clothes: For a brief second you actually feel it touching you, and then it fades away. Only when a piece of clothes is moved or taken off do you feel it again.
I just think my new signature really speaks how I feel.
"I do what I can with what I've got." |
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Black Lotus
Fluffy-Esque
Burkina Faso (Upper Volta)
1043 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2002 : 10:10:26 PM
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That makes a lot of sense. I'm happy with what I have done, and what I have accomplished. I've faced a lot of adversity in life and I've ocercome it all. I guess it's just another stumbling block in life, but it's a big one and I've yet to hit the ground.
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Stonimal rights activist with a dented ass. |
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The journey of life ...
