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therippa
Fluffy-Esque
Kazakhstan
1099 Posts |
 Posted - 05/04/2007 : 4:48:05 PM
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If there's anything we do well on this board, it's debate/discuss topics intelligently (most of the time), so here goes...
I'm going to be the best man in an upcoming wedding. The groom is leaning on me about the topic of communion...his girlfriend is still sort of catholic, so they are going to be holding in a church.
Now, background on me: I was raised roman catholic, stopped believing in my teens, and stop going to church as soon as I was 18 and my parents couldn't force me anymore. I'm an atheist and believe things like the roman catholic church are a big cause of problems in society.
First he wanted me to get communion, knowing my stance and beliefs. I told him that wasn't going to happen. After all, knowing the rules for communion and stuff, he shouldn't be taking it either...he's a lapse catholic who hasn't been to church in years.
Now he wants me to get a blessing. So, instead of getting communion, you stand in line with your arms crossed over your chest and the priest does his thing. I'm still not comfortable with this either, I don't believe a priest has the authority to lay hands on me and speak for the flying spaghetti monster. Besides, the blessings given out during communion are still reserved for Christians (but no Byzantine Catholics!) Even though it all seems minor, I'm really opposed to everything associated with this happening. It's the principle of it.
I'd rather just sit this one out. I don't need communion or a blessing, and I really don't see what the big deal is. I told him that if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't expect him to do anything that would make him uncomfortable.
So I guess my question to all of you is, WWYD? (what would you do) |
Aspiring to Be Fluffy-Esque an Alien Abductee! |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 05/04/2007 : 6:52:34 PM
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I hear you, and I completely understand where you are coming from. I am not sure I am an atheist, but I don't believe in organized religion. Still, what I think your situation comes down to is how good a friend the groom is to you. I mean, is the groom someone you are real close to, someone who would be considered a "best" friend, or just a casual friend?
Here are the scenarios:
Casual friend: I would tell him I am uncomfortable with the whole church thing and would rather be at the wedding and not in it.
Close friend: I would suck up my feelings and let the priest do the blessing thing. Sometimes a situation comes along where you should "suck up principle." Remember, the wedding is not about you, it is about the couple. You may not believe in God or priests and that's fine, but you should respect the beliefs of the others involved. (That means the couple and their families.) What harm is a blessing going to do? The spirit of the blessing is love and there can be good vibes. I am not Catholic, but I was treated in a Catholic hospital when I had cancer and the priest came in and asked if he could give me a blessing and I said yes, because I figured it couldn't hurt! Ok, maybe not a great example, but you get the point.
My daughter is getting married in May of 2008 and let me tell you there are all kinds of hassles with planning a wedding. My wish is for my daughter to have a nice wedding, but more than that, I want the wedding and reception to be filled with love and happiness.
Nothing bad is going to happen to you if you get "blessed." Not so with the friction your opposition could cause. It very well might ruin your friendship with the groom, and is that really worth it?
Think of it as your wedding gift to them. It obviously means a lot to the bride if not the groom. Regardless, if this is what they decided on, then allow them to do it that way. They are the ones who have to know if they are being hypocritical or not.
Really, there is a time to stand up for principle, sometimes a time to fight for principle, but IMO, a wedding is not that time.
Hope my 2 cents helped a little.
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"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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Robin
Yak Addict
USA
598 Posts |
Posted - 05/04/2007 : 7:49:41 PM
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I'm with Pam on this one. A blessing in any religion is just that, a blessing. And a wedding, especially not your own is not the TIMe to stand on your principles. Suck it up! JK  Peace, Robin |
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dan p.
Alien Abductee
Uganda
3776 Posts |
Posted - 05/04/2007 : 8:08:38 PM
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you're forgetting one major thing: this isn't about you. this is his and her wedding, and if he wants you to get a blessing or communion or whatever, i'd say it's not a big enough deal to bicker with your close friend (i assume since you're the best man,) who is probably dealing with a enough shit with the wedding already.
look at it this way, which happens to be your own point of view: it's all religious mumbo jumbo, right? the communion and and the blessing are just bread and some old man in robes doling out blessings in the name of some god, respectively. so what's your friend actually asking you to do on his wedding day? he's asking you to eat some bread an old man says has holy properties and stand there while the same old man recites some benediction. he's not asking to devote your life to jesus, is he? he isn't asking you to give the church money, is he? shit, he's not even asking you to believe it.
and this isn't a case of you betraying your principles or lying either. it's doing your friend a favor. and really, what would you accomplish by refusing to do so. would it be some sort of moral victory for you, or for atheists at large? i would be willing to bet that, while you might feel good about yourself for standing up for your beliefs, it seems that it might not be worth it in this case. it's a wedding, and as i understand it, this shit needs to be perfect.
in short, he's not asking your to hurt yourself or anyone else. just sack up and do it for your friend on his wedding day. |
death to false metal. |
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therippa
Fluffy-Esque
Kazakhstan
1099 Posts |
Posted - 05/04/2007 : 9:26:20 PM
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Yeah, he's my best friend...there really isn't an argument going on about it, I'm just not sure why he's pressuring me to do it.
I don't think he wants me to do it for him...I think he wants me to do it so people's grandparents don't think I'm a heathen.
Anyway, I know the wedding is not about me and all that. I guess I'll suck it up...I'm already going to have to do the Catholic aerobics (sit-stand-kneel, sit-stand-kneel)
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Aspiring to Be Fluffy-Esque an Alien Abductee! |
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dan p.
Alien Abductee
Uganda
3776 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2007 : 12:55:23 AM
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| there's an easy way around the standing and kneeling and sitting; fake a leg injury. |
death to false metal. |
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therippa
Fluffy-Esque
Kazakhstan
1099 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2007 : 03:31:56 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by dan p.
there's an easy way around the standing and kneeling and sitting; fake a leg injury.
Brilliant! I have one of those plastic boots from when I had a stress fracture in my shin...I suppose if I wear that, I will be excused from the workout. |
Aspiring to Be Fluffy-Esque an Alien Abductee! |
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SpaceMonkey
Chatterbox
315 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2007 : 09:45:27 AM
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Get Communion...then chomp the hell out of the wafer instead of letting it disolve on your tongue. I have vivd memories of nuns telling us that if you bite the wafer you're actually biting Jesus.
Suck it up, it's his wedding so it's his rules. I dont go to church either but I will get communion at a wedding. When in Rome... |
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Silky The Pimp
Alien Abductee
3321 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2007 : 12:45:59 PM
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Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stayed up all night contemplating the existence of dog?
Speaking from experience being raised Jewish and having been best man at two catholic weddings, it's no big deal. You sit when everyone sits... you stand when everyone stands. And to me, blessings are like blow jobs; if someone offers you one, you take it. Also, if someone loves you enough to ask you to be best man, if the ceremony involves anal probes and gag-balls, you just suck it up and call for the gimp when it's your cue.
Plus, you're leaving out one HUGE detail. The ceremony lasts maybe 30 minutes, but the best man gets to plan, participate, and be the second center of attention at the bachelor party, which can run an entire weekend if executed properly. Hot bridesmaides can be a bonus too... |
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Infant Eyes
Try A Little Harder
USA
63 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2007 : 8:20:16 PM
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I guess I have a different idea of what weddings are for, but I always thought the weddings were for everybody else. Personally wedding ceremony or not I don't see how that would change or make a difference in a relationship between me and a girl I was willing to sign a contract with to be with each other for the rest of my life. I guess I always envisioned it as just a ceremony for everyone else to make that change in they're heads that the two people are joining together and all that.
Still though, sometimes you gotta do stuff for others. Just make sure that if you're having a wedding make sure to mess with him a little just for fun, by perhaps having a wedding performed by the church of satan. |
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rubylith
Fluffy-Esque
1915 Posts |
Posted - 05/07/2007 : 11:11:02 AM
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| Fake leg injury...HAHAH |
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So an atheist walks into a church...
