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Black Lotus
Fluffy-Esque
Burkina Faso (Upper Volta)
1043 Posts |
 Posted - 12/03/2001 : 12:25:20 PM
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I love this skit ....
From Monty Python Live at City Center
Special thanks to Sir DarkWolf, drkwlf@wam.umd.edu.
A man walks into an office.
Man: Good morning, I'd like to have an argument, please.
Receptionist: Certainly, sir. Have you been here before?
Man: No, this is my first time.
Receptionist: I see, well we'll see who's free at the moment. Mr.
Bakely's free, but he's a little bit concilliatory. No. Try Mr.
Barnhart, room 12.
Man: Thank you.
He enters room 12.
Angry man: WHADDAYOU WANT?
Man: Well, Well, I was told outside that...
Angry man: DON'T GIVE ME THAT, YOU SNOTTY-FACED HEAP OF PARROT
DROPPINGS!
Man: What?
A: SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE MAKES ME PUKE! YOU
VACUOUS STUFFY-NOSED MALODOROUS PERVERT!!!
M: Yes, but I came here for an argument!!
A: OH! Oh! I'm sorry! This is abuse!
M: Oh! Oh I see!
A: Aha! No, you want room 12A, next door.
M: Oh...Sorry...
A: Not at all! (under his breath) Stupid git.
The man goes into room 12A. Another man is sitting behind a desk.
Man: Is this the right room for an argument?
Other Man: (pause) I've told you once.
Man: No you haven't!
Other Man: Yes I have.
M: When?
O: Just now.
M: No you didn't!
O: Yes I did!
M: You didn't!
O: I did!
M: You didn't!
O: I'm telling you, I did!
M: You didn't!
O: (breaking into the developing argument) Oh I'm sorry, is this a
five minute argument, or the full half hour?
M: Ah! (taking out his wallet and paying) Just the five minutes.
O: Just the five minutes. Thank you. Anyway, I did.
M: You most certainly did not!
O: Now let's get one thing perfectly clear: I most definitely told
you!
M: Oh no you didn't!
(very fast)
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn't!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn't!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn't!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn't!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn't!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: No you DIDN'T!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: No you DIDN'T!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: No you DIDN'T!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh look, this isn't an argument!
(pause)
O: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't! (pause) It's just contradiction!
O: No it isn't!
M: It IS!
O: It is NOT!
M: You just contradicted me!
O: No I didn't!
M: You DID!
O: No no no!
M: You did just then!
O: Nonsense!
M: (exasperated) Oh, this is futile!!
(pause)
O: No it isn't!
M: Yes it is! (pause) I came here for a good argument!
O: AH, no you didn't, you came here for an argument!
M: An argument isn't just contradiction.
O: Well, it CAN be!
M: No it can't! An argument is a connected series of statement
intended to establish a proposition.
O: No it isn't!
M: Yes it is! 'tisn't just contradiction.
O: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position!
M: Yes but it isn't just saying "no it isn't".
O: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!
O: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!
O: Yes it is!
M: No it ISN'T! Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is
just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says.
O: It is NOT!
M: It is!
O: Not at all!
M: It is!
DING! The Arguer hits a bell on his desk and stops.
O: Thank you, that's it.
M: (stunned) What?
O: That's it. Good morning.
M: But I was just getting interested!
O: I'm sorry, the five minutes is up.
M: That was never five minutes!!
O: I'm afraid it was.
M: (leading on) No it wasn't...
(pause)
O: (dirty look) I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more.
M: WHAT??
O: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another
five minutes.
M: But that was never five minutes just now! (pause...the Other Man
raises his eyebrows) Oh Come on! Oh this is... This is ridiculous!
O: I told you... I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you PAY!
M: Oh all right. (takes out his wallet and pays again) There you are.
O: Thank you.
M: (clears throat) Well...
O: Well WHAT?
M: That was never five minutes just now.
O: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
M: Well I just paid!
O: No you didn't!
M: I DID!!!
O: YOU didn't!
M: I DID!!!
O: YOU didn't!
M: I DID!!!
O: YOU didn't!
M: I DID!!!
O: YOU didn't!
M: (unable to talk straight he's so mad) I don't want to argue about
it!
O: Well I'm very sorry but you didn't pay!
M: Ah HAH!! Well if I didn't pay, why are you arguing??? Ah
HAAAAAAHHH! Gotcha!
(pause)
O: No you haven't!
M: Yes I have! If you're arguing, I must have paid.
O: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
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Silky The Pimp
Alien Abductee
3321 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2001 : 12:44:07 PM
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Nnnnnee.
-J
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2001 : 1:25:25 PM
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this parrot is stone dead. its no more. it has ceased to be. if you hadn't nailed it's feet to the perch it would pushing up the daises. this is an ex-parrot.
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2001 : 05:28:21 AM
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Has anyone seen the special edition 2 DVD set of Monty Python and the Holy Grail? It is one of my fave movies of all time and i just bought the DVD. It has all kinds of kewl bonus stuff. Those guys are so damn funny!!! By the way, "The parrot is resting!"
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy    ( <>..<> ) |
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Black Lotus
Fluffy-Esque
Burkina Faso (Upper Volta)
1043 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2001 : 09:18:48 AM
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"I bet you're gay ..."
-----------------------
Post Whore |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2001 : 4:59:03 PM
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"no its not. its stone dead"
"its pining for the fiords"
"pining for the fiords? what kind of talk is that?!"
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Dave S
Chatterbox
USA
145 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2001 : 10:30:03 PM
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nnuu! nu! nnnnnu!
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2001 : 10:46:11 PM
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ooooooooo! no no agggrrrr. at the back of the throat. no no ooooooooo as in surprise and alarm. oh you mean ahhhhh! yes ahhhhhh!
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2001 : 03:04:46 AM
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I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK.........
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy ( <>..<> ) |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2001 : 03:43:42 AM
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"I cut down trees
I wear high heels
Suspenders and a bra
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear pappa"
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2001 : 03:48:05 AM
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and hang around in bars!
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy ( <>..<> ) |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2001 : 04:31:06 AM
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now. come at me armed with those rasberries. there you go. a whole bunch of rasberries.
no guns? no 16 tons weight fallong from the ceiling?
nope.
now. when two people are sneaking up on you armed with a bunch of rasberries...you release the tiger!
aaaaahhhhhh!
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crash258
Chatterbox
USA
256 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2001 : 3:45:52 PM
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"she turned me into a newt"
*crowd stares*
"i got bettah"
-p
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Jason
Chatterbox
194 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2001 : 7:37:09 PM
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Rabbit stew comming up!
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Sambo
Is Anybody Here?
Kazakhstan
33 Posts |
Posted - 12/08/2001 : 03:56:39 AM
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You don't frighten us, English pig-dog! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you, so-called Arthur-king, you and your silly English kiniggets.
I don't want to talk to you, no more, you empty-headed animal, food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
My parents fucking pissed in the walls and mold grew.. |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/08/2001 : 05:10:17 AM
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I don't know that.........AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy          |
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Monty Python funny stuff :)
