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enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
 Posted - 10/31/2002 : 4:46:03 PM
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It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella
Awards. These prizes should rank right up there with the Beagle wards as prime examples that Darwin might have been wrong. The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States. Actually, the award should be given to the flaming idiots who awarded anything at all to these morons---who deserved NOTHING!!!! The last one is the BEST!
The following are this year's candidates:
1. Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
2. 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hub caps.
3. Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr.Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
4. Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
5. A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tail bone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
6. Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
7. This year's favorite could easily be Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly,the R.V. left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that he couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles. |
Tim Reynolds Downloads
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. - Leo Kottke
I hate beating people over the head with anything. We can all make up our own minds. What we don’t have is enough music. More music please. - Leo Kottke |
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Silky The Pimp
Alien Abductee
3321 Posts |
Posted - 10/31/2002 : 5:05:22 PM
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| There's no way those are real, but they're still entertaining. |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 10/31/2002 : 5:09:33 PM
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| I live near Bristol Pa and don't remember that one being in the newspaper or on the news. If they are real all I can say is UNBELIEVABLE!!!!! |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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therippa
Fluffy-Esque
Kazakhstan
1099 Posts |
Posted - 10/31/2002 : 5:57:26 PM
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Some that happened in/around my hometown of Erie, PA...
1. A drunken man breaks into his neighbors garage, not being able to read the "BEWARE OF DOG" signs because it's night. Dog bites man. Sues and wins
2. A father and son break into a man's backyard to go swimming in his artificial lake. They forget they don't know how to swim and drown. Widow sues on basis of no "DON'T SWIM HERE" sign and wins
3. Burglar is walking around on roof looking for entry into house. Falls through skylight onto kitchen table, cuts back on knife that was left on the table. Sues and wins
4. Another burglar breaks into a house, is walking through a child's room pilfering and steps on a hotwheel, slips and throws out his back. Sues and wins. |
Aspiring to Be Fluffy-Esque an Alien Abductee! |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 10/31/2002 : 6:35:40 PM
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| Wow. I don't know which is worse; the fact that the people actually sued for these stupid reasons, or the fact that they won. |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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Street-Samurai
Is Anybody Here?
USA
37 Posts |
Posted - 10/31/2002 : 9:31:25 PM
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| It's a sad world we live in. Lawyers are the fru-itz of the dev-il. |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 10/31/2002 : 10:07:55 PM
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| Not to mention the judges who allow these settlements |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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{=HTG=}
Alien Abductee
USA
2342 Posts |
Posted - 10/31/2002 : 11:17:48 PM
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quote:
Burglar is walking around on roof looking for entry into house. Falls through skylight onto kitchen table, cuts back on knife that was left on the table. Sues and wins
Wasnt that mentioned in the movie with Jim Carrey where he's that lawyer that cant lie, no matter what.  |
'HTG, are you a cute girl?'
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enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
Posted - 11/01/2002 : 12:02:04 AM
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| I'm pretty certain that at least some of those are true. I remember hearing about the first one, so I think it's true, in any event. |
Tim Reynolds Downloads
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. - Leo Kottke
I hate beating people over the head with anything. We can all make up our own minds. What we don’t have is enough music. More music please. - Leo Kottke |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/05/2002 : 06:04:26 AM
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STILL THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY? THINK AGAIN.
The following took place near Asheville, NC and was in the Asheville Citizen Times, back in the middle 70's. True story.
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprights the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Since gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm. Now THAT is a bad day...
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Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy         
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/05/2002 : 06:13:31 AM
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This one has been debunked as an Urban Legend, but it is still very funny and believeable:
Two hunters from Michigan--(true story) This is from a radio program,
a true report of an incident in Michigan:
A guy buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500 and has $560
monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of
course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake
with the guns, the dog, and of course the new vehicle.
They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to
make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for
the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole large enough to look
like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it is going
to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill.
So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite
with a short, 40-second fuse. Now these two Rocket Scientists do take
into consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the
ice at a location far from where they are standing (and the new
Navigator), because they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the
ice when they run from the burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke
with the resulting blast.
They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite. Remember a
couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the guns and
the dog? Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used
for RETRIEVING. Especially things thrown by the owner.
You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on
the ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second
fuse about the time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream, wave
their arms and wonder what to do now. The dog, cheered on, keeps
coming. One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The
shotgun is loaded with # 8 buckshot, hardly big enough to stop a Black
Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, but continues on.
Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really
confused, and of course terrified, thinking these two geniuses have
gone insane.
The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator.
----BOOM!---- Dog and Navigator are blown to bits and sink to the
bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots
standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on
their faces.
The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by
illegal use of explosives is not covered. He still had yet to make the
first of those $560 a month payments!
And you thought your day was not going well?
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Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/27/2002 : 06:48:18 AM
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In 1994, a New Mexico jury awarded $ 2.9 million U.S. in damages to 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who suffered third-degree burns to her legs, groin and buttocks after spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself. This case inspired an annual award - The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuit in the U.S. The ones you see listed above are clear candidates.
And just so you know that cooler heads do occasionally prevail: Kenmore inc., the makers of Dorothy Johnson's microwave, were found not liable for the death of Mrs. Johnson's poodle after she gave it a bath and attempted to dry it by putting the poor creature in her microwave for, just a few minutes, on low," The case was quickly dismissed.
STILL THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY?
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with SCUBA tanks on his back, flippers, and facemask. A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification.
Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that, on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast some 20 miles away from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean then flown to the forest fire and emptied. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing the breaststroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'-10' of the fire. Some days it just doesn't days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed!
This article was taken from the California Examiner, March 20, 1998
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Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2002 : 07:37:07 AM
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BELIEVE IT OR NOT!!
Prisoners in a jail in Lima were instructed to make new uniforms for the guards as part of a cost-cutting drive. Most of the prisoners showed uncharacteristic enthusiasm for the task which was hardly surprising since 28 of them made uniforms for themselves and strolled out of the jail to freedom. |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2002 : 10:47:18 AM
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| Wow. Now that's what I call stupid! |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2002 : 10:25:13 PM
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| I am guessing who ever instructed them to make the uniforms is out of a job and probably rode the short bus. I actually feel worse for the scuba diver burned to death in the forest fire. TRAGIC, yet funny in a SAD, having a real bad day, kinda way. |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Silky The Pimp
Alien Abductee
3321 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 3:26:25 PM
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quote:
I actually feel worse for the scuba diver burned to death in the forest fire.
That one is totally a myth... the way those things work is actually through a pump with an opening about 12 inches wide with a grate over it... rather than just being a giant bucket. |
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enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 3:44:45 PM
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| Maybe the one you have is like that, but not mine. Mine's a big bucket. |
Tim Reynolds Downloads
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. - Leo Kottke
I hate beating people over the head with anything. We can all make up our own minds. What we don’t have is enough music. More music please. - Leo Kottke |
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dirtysloth
Fluffy-Esque
USA
1302 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 4:12:26 PM
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quote:
That one is totally a myth... the way those things work is actually through a pump with an opening about 12 inches wide with a grate over it... rather than just being a giant bucket.
Yeah, it seems like if a helicopter were to just swoop over the water with a giant bucket that it would be too much force for the helicopter. |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2002 : 04:25:48 AM
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enthuTIMsiast said: quote:
Maybe the one you have is like that, but not mine. Mine's a big bucket.
HEY, MINE TOO!!!! |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2002 : 08:30:25 AM
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| HA! Silky and his 12 inch wide opening. |
Tim Reynolds Downloads
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. - Leo Kottke
I hate beating people over the head with anything. We can all make up our own minds. What we don’t have is enough music. More music please. - Leo Kottke |
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Silky The Pimp
Alien Abductee
3321 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2002 : 09:50:36 AM
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| That's right, my unit is 12 inches......... around. |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2002 : 1:00:24 PM
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| My unit is only 2 inches.........from the floor! Hehe......I wonder how old that joke is? |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/06/2002 : 05:04:07 AM
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| Are we back on the topic of your spaghetti dick again? Oh geez!! |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
Posted - 12/06/2002 : 10:14:30 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Fluffy
...back on the top... of your spaghetti dick again? Oh geez!!
Wha??? |
Tim Reynolds Downloads
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. - Leo Kottke
I hate beating people over the head with anything. We can all make up our own minds. What we don’t have is enough music. More music please. - Leo Kottke |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 01/03/2003 : 04:20:50 AM
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On top of spaghetti
All covered in cheeze
He lost his left ball
When I fuckin' sneezed |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 01/05/2003 : 9:18:26 PM
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Here is a candidate for next years Annual Stella Awards. Can you believe this? The irony of THE BRAND of candy he stole does not escape me. HEHE
COPS NAB A DUMB-DUMB ROBBER
Reuters
LITTLE ROCK - An Arkansas man was arrested after police followed a trail of evidence from a bungled bank heist -- discarded wrappers from candy he allegedly stole and ate as he made his getaway, police said on Saturday.
"It's a classic," said Patrolman Jerry Lung of the Marked Tree police department, who arrested Michael Brown, 33. Marked Tree is a small community about 135 miles (215 km) northeast of Little Rock.
Brown allegedly smashed the glass door of a bank in the community, and then looked directly at the bank's security cameras, Lung said. He also triggered an alarm.
When Brown found that all the money had been stashed away because the bank was closed, he allegedly stole a clock radio and fistfuls of candy, police said.
As he left the facility, he ate the candy and left a trail of wrappers that led to his home in a nearby trailer park.
Brown was arraigned on Friday on robbery and other charges and remains in jail pending trial. Bail was set at $25,000.
"It was almost like he wanted to be caught," Lung said Saturday.
The candy allegedly stolen from the bank was "Dum-Dums," the police officer said.
01/04/03 16:02 ET |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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PJK
Alien Abductee
USA
4159 Posts |
Posted - 01/07/2003 : 07:27:21 AM
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They just had a clip about this on the local news...I laughed a second time! Almost makes you want to let the guy go because he's too dumb to do any real crime! LOL  |
"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!"Friedrich Nietzsche |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2003 : 04:45:03 AM
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| I have to disagree, these are the ones that need to be put our of OUR misery for the sake of the species. Or at least castrated so there is no chance of reproduction. What an idiot!! HEHE |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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CPPJames
Yak Addict
Fyro Macedonia
800 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2003 : 09:47:01 AM
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Fromt ThisIsTrue.com:
1.) A man sued his doctor because he survived his cancer longer than the doctor predicted.
2.) Two robbers were in the process of their crime when one changed his mind and arrested the other.
3.) A woman had her husband's ashes made into an egg timer when he died so he could still "help" in the kitchen.
4.) Only 68 of 200 Anglican priests polled could name all Ten Commandments, but half said they believed in space aliens. |
There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those that understand binary, and those that don't. |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2003 : 5:53:27 PM
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| ONLY HALF??? I am shocked and amazed!!! |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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The Annual Stella Awards.
