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Fleabass76
Fluffy-Esque
USA
1026 Posts |
 Posted - 08/10/2002 : 9:35:39 PM
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1. You don't eat, sleep or have sex, you "Get your eat/sleep/fuck on."
2. Whenever possible, end sentences with "at". Ex: "Dis where I make my babies at."
3. It's not a "room". It's an "area". Ex: "Dis here the pool area." or "Here go the kitchen area."
4. Cars & Trucks = Rides. Never call your ride a car.
5. 20's aren't denominations of currency, they are the rims on your ride. They must be blinged out. (See #6)
6. Things are not shiny. They are blinged out.
7. Your ride needs at least one Playstation and DVD player integrated into a seat back, visor, dashboard or all of the above.
8. They are not friends. They are dawgz.
9. On the day of taping, you must have a minimum of 8 to 10 dawgz kickin' it in your pool, studio and theater areas.
10. One does not relax. One cheelz.
11. When you are kickin it, you are not playing soccer or angry at the dog, you are having a few friends over for drinks.
12. Consider trading a Lexy for a pit bull, Rottweiler or other menacing dog.
13. Tattoos are a must. When choosing a tattoo, they must evoke memories of someone you haven't seen in a great while like a dawg you lost or one of your children.
14. Remember, the only woman worthy of respect is your "Moms". All other women are hoochies and hos.
15. Build a sunken platinum basketball jersey humidor area.
16. During taping, try not to shoot any white chauffeurs. If you happen to shoot a white chauffeur, try to make your visitors accessories after the fact.
17. The proper "Crib Touring Stance" is to hold your right fist in your left hand and place both over your sternum. Hold your lips inside your mouth to evoke a placid demeanor.
18. You may own any or all existing video game systems other than a Nintendo, which is for beeyotches and kids. However, you may only own NFL or NBA themed video games. (No one has ever said "This is where I get my flight simulation on.")
19. If possible, breed or buy a chrome Rottweiler.
20. Fish tanks may only house piranhas or sharks (a.k.a. "The Rottweiler and Domerman of the Sea")
21. Remove all books, computers and cats from the residence prior to taping. (No one has ever said "This is where I get my read on." or "Dis where my cat gets it's poop on.")
22. Self portraits aren't only for corporate executives and historical figures! Remember, the bigger the portrait, the more respect it commands!
23. Two words: Black Lacquer
24. Keep the table in the formal dining area set at all times with gold, chrome and/or diamond flatware.
25. Make sure you have at least two large rooms/automobiles that "You ain't even go in/drove ever."
26. Bet on everything with your dawgz. Always win.
27. A pile of credit cards is not impressive. CASH ONLY!
28. When the MTV crew is leaving, be as rude as possible. Ex: "Now you've seen the crib, you best get to steppin."
29. Most importantly, do not get too attached to any of this. You will not have it in five years.
"Get up an move... or I'll put a curse on you... that all your children will be born naked." – Hendrix |
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dick mountjoy
Chatterbox
USA
176 Posts |
Posted - 08/10/2002 : 10:27:39 PM
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that's just hilarious. #19 is wonderful.
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revrendmaynard14
Chatterbox
USA
359 Posts |
Posted - 08/10/2002 : 10:40:23 PM
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#1 & #19 are definetly my favorites.
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KevinLesko
Alien Abductee
3712 Posts |
Posted - 08/11/2002 : 12:49:50 AM
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At first I was confident that "bling, bling" didnt actually mean anything, but I think I found a logical definition of how it got started, I found out that in the current Japanese language, bling bling is the equivilent of the sound a big "money shot" would make. Consequently "ping, ping" is the sound of a small money shot
Betchya didnt know that!
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therippa
Fluffy-Esque
Kazakhstan
1099 Posts |
Posted - 08/12/2002 : 12:15:18 PM
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#19 is fucking hillarious.
I'd take a chrome rottweiler over sharks with laser beams attached to their heads anyday!
---------------
Aspiring to Be Fluffy-Esque
"I heard Tim stopped playing with Dave when he got pregnant" |
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{=HTG=}
Alien Abductee
USA
2342 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2002 : 6:24:45 PM
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LOL, I like #2 and #3.
"Oh come on boy think-what would Jesus do? He'd shake his head like an angry mother Smoke the boy and said I did what I could do." DMB-Raven |
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revrendmaynard14
Chatterbox
USA
359 Posts |
Posted - 08/14/2002 : 01:03:24 AM
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I am starting to like #29.
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 08/14/2002 : 04:48:25 AM
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quote:
(No one has ever said "This is where I get my flight simulation on.")
(No one has ever said "This is where I get my read on." or "Dis where my cat gets it's poop on.")
My favorites....
"I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows." |
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therippa
Fluffy-Esque
Kazakhstan
1099 Posts |
Posted - 04/24/2003 : 12:08:29 PM
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| classic...ttt |
Aspiring to Be Fluffy-Esque an Alien Abductee! |
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Arthen
Alien Abductee
USA
4845 Posts |
Posted - 04/24/2003 : 1:16:40 PM
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I saw Ted Nugent on Crib's. IT was hilarious, he's set himself up like a "redneck" king. He's got monster trucks and rooms of hunting trophies and weapons.
That list is great.
#7, 15, 16 |
Steve Hackett: "I'm my own opening act, you see."
Tim (before "Faceoff"): "Peace, love....and SEX!"
cbenc41@hotmail.com |
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MTV Cribs Etiquite
