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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
 Posted - 11/28/2002 : 12:04:52 AM
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EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
> > Day number 180
> > 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> > 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> > 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
> > 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> > 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> > 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> > 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
> > 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> > 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> > 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
> >
> > Day number 181
> > 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> > 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> > 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
> > 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> > 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> > 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> > 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
> > 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> > 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> > 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
> > Day number 182
> > 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> > 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> > 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
> > 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> > 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> > 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> > 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
> > 1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
> > 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> > 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> > 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
> > EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
> > DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to
eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of
escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional
piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
> > DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around
their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at
the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile
oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite
chair...must try this on their bed.
> > DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of,
and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and
condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm.
Not working according to plan.
> > DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good
reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included
a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent
such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck
between my teeth.
> > DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I
was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the
noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More
importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of
"allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
> > DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got
to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he
reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room
his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
>>DAY 777:At dawn I made my "Great Escape"..........
Thanx to a question posed by PJK in another post, I have opted to share a bunch of "FACTS you NEED to know" about CATS:
A cat's sense of smell is 14 times stronger than a human's!
Besides their noses, cats can smell with something called the "Jacobson's organ", located in the upper surface of their mouths. This is what cats are using when they scrunch up their eyes and open their mouths after sniffing something intently!
Cats have 244 bones in their bodies! (About 40 more than humans!)
Cats have 32 muscles in each ear!
Cats only sweat from the pads of their paws; ever notice how wet the examination room table gets when you take your cat to the vet?
Cats aren't hunters by nature; their mothers teach them to hunt!
Female cats can reach adulthood in as little as five months, but male cats can take nine months to a year to reach adulthood. Most breeds of cats have reached their full growth by two years!
To drink, a cat laps liquid from the underside of its tongue, rather than the top!
Cats are said to see colour. Studies have been able to prove that cats can distinguish between red and green; red and blue; red and gray; green and blue; green and gray; blue and gray; yellow and blue, and yellow and gray!
The bottom two rows of whiskers on a cat can move independently of the top two rows!
Whiskers tell a cat whether the space they are entering is big enough for it!
The oldest cat on record was a female tabby that lived to be 34 years old!
Cats have about 100 different vocalisation sounds. In comparison, dogs have about 10!
The largest litter of kittens on record is 19!
Cats can purr to express pain or fear in addition to expressing pleasure. Female cats often purr when they are in labour, as well as when they are nursing their kittens!
A cat's brain is more similar to a man's brain than that of a dog!
Both humans and cats have identical regions in the brain responsible for emotion!
Florence Nightingale owned more than 60 cats in her lifetime!
Cats respond better to women than to men, probably due to the fact that women's voices have a higher pitch!
If your cat snores, or rolls over on his back to expose his belly, it means he trusts you!
It has been scientifically proven that stroking a cat can lower one's blood pressure!
Cats purr at the same frequency as an idling diesel engine...about 26 cycles per second!
The domestic cat is the only species able to hold its tail vertically while walking. Wild cats hold their tail horizontally, or tucked between their legs while walking!
Cats respond most readily to names that end in an "ee" sound!
If a cat is frightened, put your hand over its eyes and forehead, or let him bury his head in your armpit to help calm him!
Not every cat responds to the effects of catnip. If the cat doesn't have a specific gene, it won't react. About 80% of cats DO have the gene, and enjoy the effects of catnip, which is purr-fectly safe and non-addictive!
Cats with long, lean bodies are more likely to be outgoing, and more protective and vocal than those with a stocky build!
A cat can jump FIVE TIMES as high as it is tall!
Cats lose almost as much fluid in the saliva while grooming themselves as they do through urination!
A cat will spend nearly 30% of her life grooming herself!
The Pilgrims were the first to introduce cats to North America!
The first breeding pair of Siamese cats arrived in England in 1884!
The first formal cat show was held in England in 1871; in America, in 1895!
The Maine Coon cat is America's only "natural" breed of domestic feline. It is FOUR TIMES larger than the Singapura (the smallest breed of cat)!
There are approximately 100 breeds of cats!
In relation to their body size, cats have the largest eyes of any mammal!
A domestic cat can sprint at about 31 miles per hour!
The heaviest recorded cat was called Himmy. Himmy weighed in at 21.3kg when he died on March 12th 1986 aged 10 years! New heaviest cat on the blcok is: Snowbie, who weighed in at 98lb (44-kg) in 1977. Snowbie is owned by Lorna Sutherland.
Cats step with both left legs, then both right legs when they walk or run!
The cat's front paws have 5 toes, but the back paws have 4. Some cats are born with as many as 7 front toes and even extra back toes (called polydactyl)!
Cats walk on their toes!
If a cat is frightened, the hair stands up fairly evenly all over the body; when the cat threatens or is ready to attack, the hair stands up only in a narrow band along the spine and tail!
Cat families usually play best in even numbers. Cats and kittens should be acquired in pairs whenever possible!
Cats must have fat in their diet, because they can't produce it on their own!
Cat's urine glows under a black light!
The two most popular names given to feline citizens of the United States are "Tiger" and "Samantha"!
The ancient Egyptians first referred to cats as mau , while the Syrians, from their neighboring empire, chose to call this new creature qato!
In the Danish and Dutch languages, the term kat was selected, and in France it became chat!
Cats are known as katze in German, and in Spanish and Italian, a cat is known as a gatto!
While the Russian alphabet makes their word for cat look strange to us, the pronunciation for cat is kot!
Cat people seem to use more imagination and creativity when choosing a name for their pet than do dog fanciers!
Famous mystery writer Raymond Chandler named his black Persian "Taki"!
The name of Pope Leo XII's treasured tabby was "Micetto"!
Do you know why George Burns, famous comedian, chose to call his cat companion of many years "Willie"? Explains Mr. Burns, "When you told the cat what to do, it was always a question of will he or won't he!!"
Most of us have heard these popular alternative words for "cat"... feline, tabby, tom, tomcat, pussy, kitty, and kitten. But, have you ever heard of grimalkin? The dictionary explains that a grimalkin is an old, female cat - OR, an elderly woman! And, what about a gib? Gib was the old English term for a neutered male cat. This name took on its meaning from a man named Gilbert who...(!!)
People who like cats are called ailurophiles. This word comes from the ancient Greek language.
Not surprisingly, Adolf Hitler was known to despise cats. However, his mortal enemy in World War II, Sir Winston Churchill of England, absolutely adored them! Churchill used to refer to his cat, whom he named "Jock", as his special assistant, and "Jock" was reported to be lying on the bed with his master on the day the great British statesman died.
Did you know that it was a phrase in a book written during the Dark Ages that gave rise to the idea that cats have nine lives? English author and satirist William Baldwin wrote in his book Beware the Cat , "It is permitted for a witch to take her cat's body nine times." During this time, as thousands of "witches" were cruelly burned at the stake, many an unfortunate cat accompanied them to their terrible deaths.
Another bizarre superstition regarding cats in the Middle Ages was that some Europeans believed that the cat had magical healing powers that could help humans. In fact, many European doctors gave a cat to people who were suspected of being insane, as a healing tool! Did those primitive physicians who wrote such "wise" prescriptions have secret or first-hand knowledge about the tranquil effect of cats on troubled souls? Today, we know this to be a scientific truth.
There was a prophet named Mohammed in the Middle East who so loved his cat (named Meuzza), that he always allowed her to sleep on his favourite robe. One day, when he was to leave immediately on an urgent errand, Mohammed found Meuzza sleeping soundly upon the sleeve of the garment, and rather than disturb her rest, he cut the sleeve off of his robe, put on what remained of his garment, and went on about his business and errand!
In Siam, and other exotic, far away places such as Indonesia, the cat was given special honours, and it was believed that the yearly agricultural climate depended solely upon the "whim" of the cat! The cat was so important in this region that she rode at the head of the royal procession in a splendid chariot celebrating the crowning of a new king. The hope was that the royal family would produce an abundant crop of heirs to the throne (just like the prolific cat)!
In some parts of the Old World, the cat was placed in the empty and waiting cradle of a newlywed couple in the belief she would quickly grant their wish for children. (The Pennsylvania Dutch still continue this time-honored custom today!)
The fear of the cat was so great in the early American colonies, that it was believed that evil consequences would strike down anyone who needlessly harmed a cat.
Other colonial superstitions regarding cats were that a person who kicked a cat was certain to develop rheumatism in that leg, and that a farmer who killed a cat could expect a mysterious illness to kill off his cattle. And, to snuff out even one of a cat's "nine lives" was to risk being haunted by that particular cat for the rest of the murderer's life.
Historians say that the number nine has been a mystical and religious symbol for centuries. The Christian faith is based upon God represented in a trinity; Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Nine is a trinity of trinities. The Nordic god Odin gave his female counterpart Freja absolute rule over nine worlds. The hour that Jesus Christ died upon the cross was believed to have been the ninth hour of that most sacred day.
Nine is an appropriate number to be associated with cats and their elevation to divinity in many societies. Add to this the fact that cats have a remarkable agility that lets them escape harm from falls that would have killed any other creature, and there is additional evidence to convince many people that the cat had indeed been granted additional lives. An Indian scribe named Bidpai first recorded mention of that notion more than three centuries before the birth of Christ.
Did you know that it was in the middle 1500's that women and cats were first linked together? A scholar named Heywood began writing down the popular expressions of his time, one of which was "A woman hath nine lives like a cat." And, soon after, women who gossiped about other women were then said to be making catty remarks about each other!
Ever wonder where the expression tomcat , or, tom-catting around came from? A racy best-selling book, "The Life and Adventures of a Cat", was written in the mid-1700's in England, and the hero was a cat the author named "Tom"! This phrase has stayed with us for more than 200 years!
How could a cat get your tongue? Scholars believe that this expression was derived from a barbaric custom in the Middle East several centuries ago, when it was common to dispense horrific punishments to criminals, one of which was to rip out the tongue from a person who had supposedly lied. Other punishments included chopping off the hand of a thief, and those severed body parts were then given to the king's pet cats as their daily food. Yuch!!!
In Medieval England, buyers would bring their tender young pigs to sell in the common marketplace. However, there were some unethical sellers who would try to trick buyers by concealing large cats in the bags instead of suckling pigs. Shrewd shoppers quickly caught on to this tactic, and would demand the sack to be opened in order to inspect the pig. Oops!!! All too often, it was the cat that was let out of the bag!!
Our modern saying curiosity killed the cat is actually a spin-off of an old saying that really had nothing at all to do with the cat's natural sleuthing abilities! In the 16th century, there was a saying, "care kills a cat". This statement meant that cats seemed to be very cautious, careful and worrisome creatures, and too much anxiety can be bad for one's health, even to the point of sending one to an early grave. A cat, then, could be killed by excessive "care" as indeed could a human. Over the years, the meaning of the word "care" changed, and the word "curiosity" was substituted in the phrase, intending to explain that this was a trait that got both people and cats into trouble sometimes!
Back in a theater of Shakespeare's age, impatient gentlemen of that era made noises that sounded like a fence full of howling cats to register their disapproval of a performance... hence, we have the term catcalls!!
The Roaring '20s ushered in some new phrases relating to cats that are still used and enjoyed today. A cool cat is someone who keeps up with all the latest fads and trends! The cat's meow describes ideas that were truly "too cool for words"! Actually, the phrase the cat's pajamas means the same thing... only no one seems to know quite why!!
Have you heard the phrase a cat's paw? This is a label for someone who has been taken advantage of and wasn't smart enough to "cat"ch on! Experts say this saying has its origin from an old folk tale in which a clever monkey tricks a not-so-clever cat into reaching into a fireplace to pull out some chestnuts that were roasting there. The monkey got the chestnuts, and the cat got second-degree burns!
Cats certainly are not cowards, but they are definitely smart enough to scamper away (often up the nearest tree) when a larger enemy threatens them. Hence the terms fraidy cat and scaredy-cat!
Some people still believe the myth that tennis rackets and violin strings are made from catgut. Thankfully, this is NOT true! In the German language, the word "kitgut" was used to describe a small fiddle, which led to a confusion through the translation of words and an age-old question.
Someone who is experiencing a bad case of anxiety or nervous agitation is often called a cat on a hot tin roof. This term was firmly planted in our minds when the famous play by the same name was written by playwright Tennessee Williams. The British use the expression cat on hot bricks instead... presumably because the British like to be different from Americans!
Nine lives, nine tails. In olden days, a savage tool called the cat o'nine tails was often used to administer a very painful flogging as punishment. Originated in Egypt, it is possible that the original device was made from the hide of cats. Three separate knottings of three strands each were affixed to the whip's handle. It was the mystical number nine again that kept the feline superstitiously and wrongly associated with this murderous practice.
The ancient Egyptians assigned cats and dogs as companions to the gods and goddesses who ruled over climate, and the cat was associated with rain, while dogs were associated with wind. A really heavy storm, which combined lashing strong winds and torrential down-pouring rain, indicated that both cats and dogs had a hand in the storm, i.e., it was raining cats and dogs! Another possible explanation of this term is that in early 17th century London, cats and dogs often did their mice-hunting on the rooftops of buildings. It certainly does rain a lot in London, and the poor animals were sometimes caught there during a storm, to be washed from the rooftops, over the eaves, and to fall on the top of startled passersby.
Interestingly, when we really like someone, we often call them pussycats. However, we also refer to people as a sourpuss! Even though cats are very expressive creatures, not many people can honestly say they have seen their cat scowl! In ancient languages, the word "buss" referred to the face, and especially the mouth and lips. Over time, the word changed from "buss" to "puss", and, well, you know!!
We don't understand why cats aren't immortalized for their quiet footsteps and cunning hunting abilities in a more positive way... when we say pussyfooting around, chances are that we are using the expression to describe someone who is acting just plain ol' sneaky!!
There are now more cats owned as pets than dogs in Britain and America. And, in the last 10 years, the number of cats we have sharing our homes has DOUBLED!
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Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy         
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/28/2002 : 12:08:31 AM
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and our all time fave:
 |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/28/2002 : 12:19:54 AM
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EVERYTHING ends in masturbation!!
At least for guys. HEHE |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 11/28/2002 : 01:48:58 AM
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| It's funny because it's true. |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/28/2002 : 7:57:55 PM
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There is no such thing as tooo much MASTURBASTION!!
HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/28/2002 : 8:28:15 PM
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| "I know" said the blind man, as he started to masturbate!! |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/28/2002 : 8:48:54 PM
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| Sorry, can't talk now, masturbating!!! |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/28/2002 : 9:07:13 PM
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PJK said: quote:
Still speechless!
HMMMMMMMMM, must be masturbating!!! |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/28/2002 : 9:30:43 PM
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Guess everything ends in masturbation for women as well.
Whodda thunk it?! |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/28/2002 : 9:45:53 PM
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| uhhhhhhh.......YEAH!!!! |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/28/2002 : 10:21:59 PM
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| Screw that book lernin', that sounds like the kind of learning I could "get down" with. That's what I need, HIGHER EDUCATION! Now if I could just find a teacher like my 10th grade English teacher, Ms. Taylor. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH....(must go masturbate again...SEE YA) |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/28/2002 : 10:36:13 PM
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| Or a male with a bad sense of humor. HEHE |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 11/28/2002 : 11:54:07 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by PJK
Why...you think guys are the only ones who get horny?hehehehe
Why wasn't I informed about this? |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2002 : 12:08:42 AM
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I'm not addicted to it, unlike someone I know...... |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2002 : 02:17:05 AM
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 |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2002 : 04:03:26 AM
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She bought Bounty napkins for BJ's HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2002 : 04:57:27 AM
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Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2002 : 07:21:14 AM
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| Care to comment HTG? Seems PJK isn't talking. HMMMMMMMMMM I wonder why? HEHE (an old adage comes to mind: Don't talk with your mouth full) |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2002 : 8:35:48 PM
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As the Magic8ball has often said:
"SIGNS POINT TO YES"
For more on the magic8ball and the mysterious blue fluid, please check out:
http://8ball.ofb.net/procedure.html |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2002 : 10:49:01 PM
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Why? Because your mouth is full?
Don't talk with your mouth full!!! |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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{=HTG=}
Alien Abductee
USA
2342 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2002 : 11:30:08 PM
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quote:
Don't have to.....I know how to swallow!
WHOA! |
'HTG, are you a cute girl?'
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 12:11:50 AM
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| Looks like HTG might be needing to borrow some of the Bounty napkins in a few minutes. HEHE |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 01:00:09 AM
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| No thanx, Bounty napkins aren't big enuf, I use full size bath towels, but thanx for offering. |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 01:24:37 AM
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Fluffy said: quote:
Care to comment HTG? Seems PJK isn't talking. HMMMMMMMMMM I wonder why? HEHE (an old adage comes to mind: Don't talk with your mouth full)
PJK said: quote:
I can't believe you said that....did you mean what I thought you meant?????HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
THEN COMES THE CONFUSION. I NEVER SAW YOUR POSTS IN BETWEEN HERE AND MY NEXT POST. I WAS ANSWERING THE QUESTION ABOVE WITH MY NEXT POST.
Fluffy then typed in response to PJK above question: quote:
As the Magic8ball has often said:
"SIGNS POINT TO YES"
MY YES ANSWER WAS TO "Did you mean what I thought you meant?" NOT "avoiding at all cost, eh? Fluffy speechless?" AS ANYONE HERE WILL TELL YOU I SHY AWAY FROM VERY LITTLE. I THINK THE ONLY THING I SHY AWAY FROM IS DISCUSSIONS OF DMB. OUTSIDE OF THAT, BEWARE!! HEHE
I THINK I MISREAD YOUR NEXT POST AND I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE SPEECHLESS. HENCE MY NEXT COMMENT:
Fluffy typed: quote:
Why? Because your mouth is full?
Don't talk with your mouth full!!!
PJK answered: quote:
Don't have to.....I know how to swallow!
How in the world did we get on the topic of WATERGATE?
Do I need to call Woodward & Bernstein?
Because I think we have DEEP THROAT on the line!! |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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{=HTG=}
Alien Abductee
USA
2342 Posts |
Posted - 12/03/2002 : 5:16:04 PM
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quote:
BTW...I can't look at those napkins now without laughing!!!!! I take my lunch to work every day and didn't even realize I put afew of them in with my lunch today, so when I went to get my lunch out, what (and who) do you think I thought of??????hehehehehe
Fluffy? And I really hope I didnt come off of this conversation looking like a total perv...which i'm not. I'm in no way a bbaaaaaddddd guy.  |
'HTG, are you a cute girl?'
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2002 : 04:11:22 AM
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"We are all of us in the gutter, but some us are looking at the stars!"
"We fall but we keep getting up"
"Over and over and over and over and over.........."
PJK asked: quote:
who) do you think I thought of??????
I am guessing HTG!!! |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2002 : 1:28:55 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Fluffy
No thanx, Bounty napkins aren't big enuf, I use full size bath towels, but thanx for offering.
 .....remind me to never take a shower when I'm at your place. |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/06/2002 : 05:38:17 AM
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Don't worry pcbTIM, it's safe, I keep them seperate!!
OR DO I?(insert sinister laugh here) |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 12/06/2002 : 11:02:14 AM
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| Double .......oh wait........ ......there. |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/07/2002 : 06:28:41 AM
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Shower? What's a shower? Never heard of it.
But I know what towels are made for. HEHE |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/07/2002 : 08:50:41 AM
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| Not terrycloth women, digital women, terrycloth clean-up |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/07/2002 : 09:14:15 AM
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Sad, BUT TRUE!
Somehow we have drastically strayed from the topic, may I reiterate:
cats or dogs which will it be..... |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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rhymsesthecat
Try A Little Harder
USA
64 Posts |
Posted - 12/16/2002 : 5:52:21 PM
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| its dogs but cats can be really funny |
rhymsesthecat |
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Evergreen
Yak Addict
960 Posts |
Posted - 12/17/2002 : 11:57:01 AM
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quote:
Of course if you had me around you wouldn't need the towels.
quote:
digital women, terrycloth clean-up
Oh my GOD and oh my GOD! Oh the journey's of your posts.
(Covers ears and eyes saying LaLaLa really loud)!!!!
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/23/2002 : 06:03:47 AM
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| Yes our posts definitely seem to stray FAR from the topic at hand sometimes. Very interesting how that works. |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/23/2002 : 11:32:29 PM
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Pretenders "Message of Love"
Sometimes cats don't like to see a new cat enter the home, but as there are only 3 cats now, 1 is constantly being left out with no companion, so eventually the 4th will be accepted and the lonely cat will have a friend. They say if you have one cat that is just fine, but if you have more than one, they should be in even numbers. |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/24/2002 : 12:02:26 AM
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Posted above in facts about cats: quote:
Cat families usually play best in even numbers. Cats and kittens should be acquired in pairs whenever possible!
Why do I bother posting, noone reads what I post anyhow. |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 12/24/2002 : 12:12:26 AM
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| Well.......we have two cats. Brother and sister. Does it work the same way with dogs? Because we have two of them also. |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/24/2002 : 12:14:46 AM
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Why is it worthy of retention now and not before. HEHE
As for dogs, pcbTIM, you will have to ask a DOG person about that, I don't know about dogs, but I bet it is similar. |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 12/24/2002 : 12:17:33 AM
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| Your response was probably right in the middle of one of your binges. You know what it's like when you open this forum and see nothing but Fluffy comments as far as the eye can see. Oh wait, you probably don't......but others can agree that they realize that there's a few hours work ahead of them. |
Gay marriage killed the dinosaurs. |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 12/24/2002 : 4:16:00 PM
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PJK asked: quote:
Why is what worthy of my retention now...hehehehe
By your earlier comment quoted below it appeared to me that you would now be retaining the info I had previously posted that was not worthy of retention at that TIMe. So by your own words it is now worthy of retention.
PJK wrote: quote:
Hummmm interesting. If I ever get cats I will remember that. So what is the new one like?
As for which cat, I was not ignoring you, I just don't know the answer yet as they left one day after me and I have not talked to them to know which one the decided on. I will find out the next TIMe I talk to them and let you know. Until then, I will IGNORE the question, but as everyone will tell you, I read EVERYTHING here. HEHE |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2003 : 06:01:49 AM
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| I talked to my parents on New Years and after all that, without boring you with all the horrible details, they did not end up taking home a cat. Bottom line is they tried and tried, but the cats were not playing along. They would not be handled and my parents feared that transporting them may be too traumatic. The cats don't know what they missed out on. My parents say they will find one to adopt near them. |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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GRock
Try A Little Harder
93 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2003 : 12:43:28 PM
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cats are like very small women in fur coats. they always ignore you and laze around all the time. wait i am beginning to see why women ignore me... no, cats are cool (my parents got 2) but i gotta go with dogs on this one.
plus i think i'm allergic to cats. or at least it gives me an excuse to avoid them... |
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victorwootenfan
Alien Abductee
USA
2128 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2003 : 5:13:39 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Fluffy
Screw that book lernin', that sounds like the kind of learning I could "get down" with. That's what I need, HIGHER EDUCATION! Now if I could just find a teacher like my 10th grade English teacher, Ms. Taylor. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH....(must go masturbate again...SEE YA)
It's funny cause i have a english teacher at my high school named mrs. taylor. she's about 50, but still... our hot english teacher ms. brown left us... she was my hot 9th grade english teacher... |
www.myspace.com/smileymnbass
http://itunes.apple.com/us/preorder/quartet-art/id423870767
www.mattsmiley.blogpost.com |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 02/03/2003 : 3:54:42 PM
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GRock commented: quote:
cats are like very small women in fur coats. they always ignore you and laze around all the time. wait i am beginning to see why women ignore me...
....or maybe you are just allergic to women as well, like the cats. HEHE |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 07/30/2004 : 11:34:41 PM
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My Dog has to Take These Pills
My dog has to take these pills. She has something wrong with her
gastrointestinal tract.
The gastrointestinal tract of a dog represents all that I find
objectionable about the species. From the teeth that chew the toes out of my shoes, the wet tongue that awakens me at 6:00 AM on a Saturday, the throat which produces frantic barking when the neighbors commit the crime of walking in their own driveway, the stomach which made room for an entire leg of lamb on Easter when I left the room for half an hour, to the production center which plops dog stools all over the back yard---I don't want her gastrointestinal tract cured, I want it REMOVED.
Don't get me wrong, I am genuinely fond of my dog, the only creature in the house who treats me with something other than contempt.
Me: "No one is going anywhere until the garage is cleaned up!"
Children: "We hate you!"
Dog: Wag wag wag.
The dog's current affliction made itself known to me one night with the sound of a balloon being released. I opened my eyes, half expecting to see my dog flying around the room in circles until totally deflated. Instead, I was treated to the olfactory equivalent of a hydrogen bomb--it was as if our bedroom had become the staging area for Saddam Hussein's biological warfare program.
"Oh my God! Get out! Get out!" I shouted.
"You always blame the dog," my wife mumbled.
I assumed that what the kids soon came to refer to as the dog's "butt
blasters" would pass once whatever she had eaten, roadkill or my new suit or the couch in the basement, had found its way down the alimentary canal and out onto my lawn. When, after a few days, this proved not to be the case, I took the dog to my vet and was given some pills to administer twice a day. The vet's instructions made the process of giving medicine to a dog sound pretty easy: open her mouth, pitch the tablet onto the back of her tongue, and stroke her throat until she swallows.
The reality is that administering a pill to a dog is like trying to give a root canal to a great white shark. The process starts with opening the medicine bottle, which alerts the dog that the games are about to begin. She sits upright, ears cocked, lips slightly drawn back to remind me that she has relatives in Africa who are pulling down water buffalo. I approach my pet with a piece of limp bologna in my hand to disguise the existence of the capsule of anti-butt blaster medication, making friendly "I'm not going to give you a pill" sounds. She doesn't buy it. Her ears drop back flat
against her skull and she slinks to the ground, eyes cold as they dart from me to the couch, gauging the gap even as I maneuver to close it. "Want some bologna?" I suggest.
At the sound of my voice she explodes into action, streaking across the floor. The kids lunge from the kitchen, cutting off that avenue. She brakes and swerves and I dive, rolling on the carpet. I grab fruitlessly at the air. With a click of teeth, the bologna vanishes, the pill bouncing away. A lamp crashes over as I come to a stop.
The few times I have managed to grip her by the jaws and force the medicine down her throat, it has come firing back out as if shot from a pellet gun. Worse, the exertion triggers the very symptom the pills are supposed to address, so that I am caught trying to run around the room without BREATHING. The children abandon me at this point, leaving me alone with the butt blaster. When I finally am forced to inhale, my eyes tear so badly I can no longer see my adversary.
Frankly, I don't think the dog WANTS to get better. This is the same
animal who delights in rolling in dead squirrel parts, so that her fur is imbued with a stench is so powerful every canine in the neighborhood howls with envy. Whenever she rattles the room with a butt blaster, her eyes take on a radiant gleam, a "hey, that was my best one yet!" expression which is undiminished by the fact that the rest of her family is gagging and falling to the floor.
My son claims to have an idea which will solve our problem. I'm not sure what he has in mind, but when I told him I was ready to try anything he began assembling a pile of tools which included his slingshot and a fifty foot garden hose. Now he is filling water balloons with beef bullion and talking to himself about the "end of the butt blaster as we know it."
The dog, watching from the corner, doesn't look very worried to me.
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Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 06/16/2006 : 5:50:16 PM
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(Can this be real? Was there really a vote and what happened with it? Enquiring minds want to know!)
Hmmm ... ? Maybe Fluffy needs to visit Wisconsin?
At 3 a.m., Fluffy the #$%@! - a cat that acquired its first name from my daughter when it appeared on the porch and its last name from me at 2:45 the next morning - banged against the screen door for roughly the 4,789th time.
For one brief, sleepless moment, I considered moving to Wisconsin and buying a tree stand.
Why? Because next month, sportsmen in that state will vote on whether to support legalized cat hunting.
No, really. It's true.
According to the Wisconsin State Journal, Mark Smith's bizarre suggestion that it be open season on stray cats goes before hunters April 11 at the Wisconsin Conservation Congress spring hearings in each of the state's 72 counties. Smith, a 48-year-old firefighter from La Crosse and an apparent lover of birds rather than cats, contends that any feline lacking a collar or not under its owner's direct control should be considered fair game.
"If I'm in the woods and see a cat that doesn't have a collar, then I could shoot it," Smith told the newspaper. "It gives people some leeway if they want to remove cats."
It's a good bet that Smith will not grace the cover of Cat Fancier magazine any time soon.
The hissing public
At first, I wholeheartedly agreed with cat enthusiasts that busting a cap in Mr. Paws as he darts across the lawn is a horrific way to rid the neighborhood of unwanted felines. But I didn't agree as strongly as the woman who, according to a police report, said she "will hunt Smith down and kill him" if the measure passes.
Then Fluffy the #$%@! banged on the screen door all night and a cat shot a man in Michigan, perhaps, as Johnny Cash said, just to watch him die.
Though seemingly unrelated, the incidents made me, at least for one unhinged, irrational second, doubt my position on legalized cat hunting.
Fluffy the #$%@! appeared on the porch while my beagle was out chasing rabbits, sparking the usual response from my wife and daughter to anything small and furry: "Oh, it's so cute. Look at it. It's so cute. Let's keep it." Ten minutes later, both were sneezing so hard I had to retrieve a mop bucket.
The beagle eventually returned home and chased the now well-fed cat away in perfect cartoon fashion, but, once the dog was up for the night, Fluffy the #$%@! returned and began to bang on the screen door. And bang. And bang. And bang.
"Stupid #$%@! cat," I said, officially giving Fluffy her last name.
In the morning, the beagle did his job. That night, Fluffy the #$%@! returned to eat and bang. And bang. And bang. And bang.
If the bill does pass, I might consider buying Fluffy the #$%@! a bus ticket.
Wisconsin is beautiful in the spring.
http://www.journalnow.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=WSJ%2FMGArticle%2FWSJ_ColumnistArticle&c=MGArticle&cid=1031781614792&path=!living&s=1037645509005 |
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 07/25/2007 : 5:56:44 PM
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Washing the cat
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape.)
CAUTION : Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "powerwash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.
Sincerely,
The Dog
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Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy
"THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS A CRUEL AND SHALLOW MONEY TRENCH-- A LONG PLASTIC HALLWAY WHERE THIEVES AND PIMPS RUN FREE AND GOOD MEN DIE LIKE DOGS. THERE'S ALSO A NEGATIVE SIDE..." -Hunter S. Thompson |
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Robin
Yak Addict
USA
598 Posts |
Posted - 07/26/2007 : 2:38:48 PM
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You have entirely waaay too much TIMe on your hands mister! LOL. Cats rule! Peace, Robin |
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Ranting Thespian
Fluffy-Esque
USA
1283 Posts |
Posted - 07/27/2007 : 12:45:11 AM
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Mrs. Conclusion : Hullo, Mrs. Premise.
Mrs. Premise : Hullo, Mrs. Conclusion.
Conclusion: Busy Day?
Premise: Busy? I just spent four hours burying the cat.
Conclusion: *Four hours* to bury a cat?
Premise: Yes - it wouldn't keep still.
Conclusion: Oh - it wasn't dead, then?
Premise: No, no - but it's not at all well, so as we were going to be on the safe side.
Conclusion: Quite right - you don't want to come back from Sorrento to a dead cat. It'd be so anticlimactic. Yes, kill it now, that's what I say. We're going to have to have our budgie put down.
Premise: Really - is it very old?
Conclusion: No, we just don't like it. We're going to take it to the vet tomorrow.
Premise: Tell me, how do they put budgies down, then?
Conclusion: Well, it's funny you should ask that, because I've just been reading a great big book about how to put your budgie down, and apparently you can either hit them with the book, or you can shoot them just there, just above the beak.
Premise: Just there? Well, well, well. 'Course, Mrs Essence flushed hers down the loo.
Conclusion: No, you shouldn't do that - no, that's dangerous. They *breed* in the *sewers*! |
Not communicating can hurt more than any word that can be said -
Nick
-the Ranting Thespian |
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Topic |
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cats or dogs which will it be.....
