| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Erich |
Posted - 09/06/2005 : 3:08:14 PM
Love is an addiction. Its a chemical reaction in the brain thats developed socially over time, and its very similar in brain reactions to being hooked on coke (seriously).
So, it logically follows that Im going through withdrawal right now, and it sucks. It really, truly, sucks.
She dumped me because she felt i wasnt getting anywhere in life... all ideas and talk, no action. She wasnt wrong, but the beautiful part was the part time job that lands on my lap the day after she dumps me. Thats the fuel for my business ideas, and whats going to finaly move me forward. Thats Murphy for you. Good old Murph, coming to the rescue when only she can.
This sucks. |
| 22 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Zachmozach |
Posted - 12/16/2005 : 2:04:45 PM
I hear that Erich. What sucks the most is that the relationship didn't end because it wasn't working or anything like that it's just an impossibilty I guess. I won't get into it, but it's basically like having the rug pulled out from under you and that's what really sucks. She didn't want it to end either, but it's so damn complicated. Fucking Life! |
| Kenneth |
Posted - 12/16/2005 : 09:47:57 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Erich
cause you brought it up for this reason, im cool with it... but the last 3.5 months have been hell for me, for more reasons than i care to share, and i may even see her tonight... so it still hurts pretty deeply.
Besides time and just getting over it… you should watch the movie Swingers in the process. It’s so great... You know, there are a lot of beautiful babies out there. You’ve been hurtin over this one hunny for way too long. Quit calling her and going to see her. You got to let that shit go. Now watch Daddy go round us up a couple of hunnies so we’ll have some beautiful babies for tonight. |
| Erich |
Posted - 12/15/2005 : 4:27:10 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Zachmozach
Sorry to bring up an old thread, but I just thought you guys would want to know I'm eating my words. It really sucks. Should have seen it coming, but it sucks. I'm going to have to stick by what I say from now on.
cause you brought it up for this reason, im cool with it... but the last 3.5 months have been hell for me, for more reasons than i care to share, and i may even see her tonight... so it still hurts pretty deeply.
But one thing I told a close friend of mine, who just recently got out of a long term relationship as well, is that knowledge of your feelings is the best you can do. I know that i cant control the feelings i have even as i type this, but the fact that i can rationalize them and understand them thoroughly means that I have as much control over the situation as I can. Even the things beyond my control are, in that sense, controlable, know what i mean?
So intelligence and logic can only go so far when dealing with things whos very natire goes against intelligence and logic... but stick to what you think, and you'll have a better chance of moving forward in a healthy manner. |
| Zachmozach |
Posted - 12/15/2005 : 4:05:20 PM
Sorry to bring up an old thread, but I just thought you guys would want to know I'm eating my words. It really sucks. Should have seen it coming, but it sucks. I'm going to have to stick by what I say from now on. |
| Robin |
Posted - 09/09/2005 : 11:37:07 PM
Pam, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's never easy to have the ones we love pass on. It does get easier though. The heart has a way of not hurting as much after a TIMe.And you actually get to stop crying at some point too! As for real love in a relationship, I'm with you. I'm not married, but have been with the same person for years and it's reached it's end. It actually reached a long TIMe ago, but I made it work for my child.
When all the things you didn't mind putting up with start to be a drag, it's TIMe to go. I also feel that it's kind of not natural to expect to stay with the same person for all your life, unless that person is still making your heart open wide just looking at them. Even if it's just moments here and there.
I'm SUCH a romantic but a realist too, and I have terribly high standards,and I fall in love all the TIMe! Not just with people, with my horse, my rabbit, my son, my best friend.It's all levels of love. Mostly if the person you love can be your best friend and you their's, I think you can have something special. I'm hopeful that I'll have that in my life cuz I have before, so I know it's possible.
Don't give up cuz you were dumped, she prolly wasn't worthy that's all. The next TIMe will be better. Peace,and warm thoughts, Robin |
| dan p. |
Posted - 09/09/2005 : 11:32:59 PM
it's the things you begin to have trouble dealing with that you miss when the person is gone. you come to, despite the fact that they annoy you, love that person for those things not because they are good, because they are hers, or his. |
| Zachmozach |
Posted - 09/09/2005 : 11:18:44 PM
I think generally love is a good thing, but what I'm talking about when I say falling in love is for suckers is the delusional state we get into when we "fall in love". In many ways we are just creating an illusion for ourselves. Even according to modern physics we create our own reality, and that goes along with too many mystical teaching to name. The point is that people upon falling in love put this image on the other person that's false and create literally what they want to see. Basically a way to manipulate our own chemical makeup. I don't see much sense in this activity and I've engaged in it before. Literally it all comes crashing down, and I choose to get high other ways. I'm in no way against love, but love means accepting people for who they are which in most cases everyone has some pretty crazy problems no matter what, but it's how we can deal with them. Falling in love and all that usually is a temporary high that has to end sometime because no matter how good the person is at some point they are going to come down off that pedastool they were on.
It's a simple matter of control over your body/mind to be able to step back realize why you love and care for someone, but not to act like it's something it's not, although I admit it is tempting to do so. |
| PJK |
Posted - 09/09/2005 : 10:28:25 PM
OK, its Friday night, I am bored as hell and had a really bad week so I will tell you my philosophy on love.
Years ago I used to show and breed dogs. We didn't have a lot of puppies, only had litters when we wanted to improve the breed and keep one or two to show. Obviously a whole litter is rarely if ever all show quality so we sold most of our dogs as pets.
I was very particular about who I sold to. People would come to look at the puppies and I told them all the good and BAD traits about the breed, hell, they were going to find out sooner or later if they bought a puppy and there is nothing worse than having someone get a puppy and then regret it.
All breeds have their good traits and bad. I love my black lab's temperment, but hate the shedding (constant shedding!) but I am willing to put up with it because of his temperment.
OK I am not saying women are bitches or men are dogs, but people in general, like dogs have their good and bad characteristics. It is what we are willing to put up with that makes a relationship great or bad. It is perhaps the hardest thing about being in a relationship for as long as I have been. With time everyone changes and sometimes what one was willing to put up with years before, becomes harder to tolerate years later.
You are never guarenteed happiness. I have seen people worry about things in their relationships and lose focus on the fact that they are happy and enjoy each other. They worry so much about the possible negatives that they end up denying themselves happiness, because they cause stress in their relationships and break up.
I say, if you are in a great relationship enjoy it. Cherish it. And if you truly love the person, work at it.
Gospel according to Pam. 
Oh, and thanks for your kind words Evergreen. What is weird is I haven't felt dad's presence at all, not even at the funeral, but I do feel peace. I have a friend who scattered his moms ashes on a beautiful lake and suddenly a crane flew over him. He really felt it was his mom's spirit. |
| Evergreen |
Posted - 09/09/2005 : 11:49:16 AM
Pam, I'm very sorry to hear about your Father. I hope you find peace very soon and that you have lots of love and support right now.
When I lost the closest person to me 7 yrs ago, I started seeing hawks very frequently. Almost daily in the beginning and I still see them all the time. More often, close by, sitting up in tall (evergreen) trees rather than soaring high in the sky as I had always seen them before. And I see them almost always when I'm having really bad days, and am esp lonely or missing him. So I came to believe and know that the spirit of my lost love is within the hawk. And even though the pain of losing to death is ever present, it makes me feel like i'm not totally alone. I hope you find your Father's spirit too.
Feel better too Erich! You're a fun,sweet, and caring guy from what I know of you here. You'll bounce back and meet a great girl in no time. And no offense to your ex, but if she said that stuff about you she's not worth it and quite clueless anyway. Why would you want to have someone around who doesn't think your "all that". Her loss!
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| PJK |
Posted - 09/09/2005 : 09:09:09 AM
First I want to say I am so sorry Erich. I am not sure I understand you ex's logic about you not going anywhere. Did I miss something? Is there a timeline for success or to get ones act together? There must have been more to it than that but regardless it is like someone died. You miss that person. You wonder why love wasn't enough.
As for the chemical thing, yes that could be its true, but like dan said, everything you feel is a chemical reaction of sorts. Emotions and thoughts are very different. Thats why you can be thinking of something which causes you to feel sad/happy/etc. get distracted and be left with the feeling and have to really think about what it was you had been thinking about. If that makes sense.
Love is a beautiful thing, not to be dismissed or taken lightly. Real love is hard to find. IMO thats because too many people are selfish. I love many people and no two in exactly the same way. I love you Erich, you are a fantastic person. Very unique and I mean that in a very positive way. You are kind, but you speak your mind and you don't bullshit people and I like that. I love all the "regulars," the members of our "family" on this board even though I never met most of you in person, I have come to know everyone through comments made here on this board.
Marriage is another topic altogether and I won't write about it here or now. It is SO over rated. Take it from me, I have been married 26 years! More years than most of you have been alive! It's a hell of a lot of work! LOL
I do believe there is someone for everyone, but not necessarily only one person that's a soul mate. Because of the "work" factor, I believe people only need certain traits to make a relationship fit like a glove.
Love does come from the heart. True love hurts so badly when it's gone. I know. My dad was laid to rest this week. One would think since he was old and had a great life it would be easy to let go. After all, that is what nature intended and he passed away, like nature intended. But it still hurts like hell. I still want him back and I will love him forever!
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| dan p. |
Posted - 09/08/2005 : 11:26:24 PM
the jedi policy on love is perfect. not for ordinary people, but for jedi, because they wield such power. connection in personal love is akin to possession. that can and does lead to fear of loss, which leads to anger, which leads to hate, which is the dark side. if anakin were a good jedi, he would not have been able to be manipulated, because he would not be possessive, and thusly his fear for padme's life would not have driven him over. it is the way of the sith call something like love "your own."
the fundamental difference between jedi and sith is their orientations. the jedi earase the self, and become an empty vessle for the will of the force. the sith exault the self, bending the force to their will.
the light side brings you to the center of the universe. the dark side makes you the center of the universe, or brings it to you.
a jedi gains power through understanding. the sith gain understanding through power. |
| AGirlNamedPsycho |
Posted - 09/08/2005 : 11:22:53 AM
The way of the Sith eh? You know, the Jedi code is pretty shitty in regards to love too.
Taken from wikipedia.org...
There is no emotion; there is peace.
There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.
There is no passion; there is serenity.
There is no chaos; there is harmony.
There is no death; there is the Force.
Remember, Anakin turned to the Dark Side as a direct result of his love for Padme being used as a mechanism for Palpatine. Neither side truly fosters love intrinsically - at least not until the New Order that Luke founded, but none of that takes place in movie canon so it's tough to discuss. |
| dan p. |
Posted - 09/06/2005 : 10:22:40 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Erich
yeah, it will. love is only chemical, anyway. by stripping love of its "magic" and all that fairy dust soulmate bullshit, it becomes YOURS. Whatever value you put into it is yours, and its not the doing of some higher inherant meaning love [. . .]
beware this path, for that is the way of the sith. |
| Arthen |
Posted - 09/06/2005 : 7:30:12 PM
Now, all you have to do is go somewhere and you'll turn into a huge successful business mogul, forgetting about all of us little people, then you can call her and laugh in her face. |
| dan p. |
Posted - 09/06/2005 : 7:23:34 PM
i didn't say this before, but i'm sorry you got dumped.
i'm not entirely sure i understand that theory. i mean, doesn't the brian use chemicals for everything? so isn't pretty much everything an addiction? |
| Erich |
Posted - 09/06/2005 : 7:08:24 PM
quote:
Originally posted by dan p.
i used to say all of this, too. someone's opinion on love is entirely dependent on their current situation regarding that.
http://www.economist.com/printedition/displayStory.cfm?Story_ID=2424049
quote:
Scientists are finding that, after all, love really is down to a chemical addiction between people
Im not just saying this cause i was dumped, been saying it for a long time now. |
| dan p. |
Posted - 09/06/2005 : 7:03:39 PM
i used to say all of this, too. someone's opinion on love is entirely dependent on their current situation regarding that. |
| Silky The Pimp |
Posted - 09/06/2005 : 6:27:27 PM
Light a bag of dog poop on fire on her doorstep and ring the bell... I guarantee you'll feel better. |
| Erich |
Posted - 09/06/2005 : 4:20:40 PM
yeah, it will. love is only chemical, anyway. by stripping love of its "magic" and all that fairy dust soulmate bullshit, it becomes YOURS. Whatever value you put into it is yours, and its not the doing of some higher inherant meaning; I dont love you because we're meant to be, I love you because *I* love you.
It also makes it that much easier, and at the same time harder, to lose. Because its all what you made of it, and therefor when its taken away, it was all yours... but at the same time you can rationalize it like that, and it makes it easier to understand, and therefor cope, with it.
... just rambling now. |
| enthuTIMsiast |
Posted - 09/06/2005 : 4:04:54 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Zachmozach
Love everbody, but falling in love is for suckers.
Ha, one of the few things you've said that I agree with. 
Good luck Erich. I hope time will make it less painful. |
| Hopeful Rolling Waves |
Posted - 09/06/2005 : 3:48:32 PM
Amen Zach. And no I haven't been constantly spurned by women, I have just come to the realization that at my age (24) love really ain't happening. And you're right, love everyone, and eventually it'll find you when it needs to. So Erich...other than sex, you're not gonna miss much. |
| Zachmozach |
Posted - 09/06/2005 : 3:43:44 PM
That's why I choose to use chemicals in my brain that are more stable then those caused by the illusion of being in love. I reccomend in the future you try to do the same. Love everbody, but falling in love is for suckers. |
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