| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Erich |
Posted - 06/01/2005 : 01:45:04 AM
If the president tried to commit suicide, would that be considered an assasination attempt? Would the CIA try to take him out?
In High School, you got suspended for cutting. In Indonesia, they feel pot can kill you, so the punishment for possession is death. You ever get the feeling the world is run by complete idiots?
I hate the phrase "He died before his time!" No he didnt. If it was before his time, he would still be alive. Maybe he died before YOUR time, but your clock may be a little off. Same with "It was how he wouldve wanted to go". No it wasnt, he wouldnt have wanted to go at all.
Now, heres a question. In an area where necrophelia is legal (or at least not illegal), is there an age of consent? I mean, would I be able to fuck an 8 year old legaly if it were already dead?
People are yelled at for acting like dogs... but... so are dogs. Anytime a dog acts like a... well... dog, people seem to yell at it. "What do you think youre doing, shitting on the floor!! bad dog!". No wonder dogs look so confused all the time, theyre sitting there wanting to say "Im a fucking dog, lady, this is what I do. I sniff crotches, bark loudly, shit on your dinette set, and eat your fucking shoes". Could you imagine if humans were yelled at for acting like humans, instead of dogs? makes just as little sense. Its like having your mom walk in on you in the bathroom taking a shit, and being like "What do you think youre doing!? You shit on the floor like everyone else, young man! Here, take a look at this *puts face in toilet* smell it! smell it!!"
Jesus wouldnt watch scarey movies, because covering his face with his hands would be pretty useless
The "drive through" that we're used to is really just a drive past, a drive around, or a drive by. I want to drive my car right trough the front of the store, steal someones hamburger, and drive off. See, THAT'S drive through.
Wisdom teeth have a tendancy to come in sideways. That doesnt seem too wise to me. In fact, I bet the cuspids are thinking "man, those are pretty fucking stupid teeth "... But cuspids dont talk.
Another thing about death that Im not particularly fond of... if you get killed on the street, you're a murder victim. If you get killed in war, you're a casualty. Its as if to imply theres something casual about it durring times of mass killings. "Oh, just another dead body, roll on means nothin". |
| 21 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Kenneth |
Posted - 01/05/2006 : 4:37:33 PM
>*How important does a person have to be before they are considered
>assassinated instead of just murdered?
>
>*Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
>
>*What disease did cured ham actually have?
>
>*How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
>
>*Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
>
>*If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
>
>*Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
>
>*Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
>binoculars to look at things on the ground?
>
>*Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
>
>*Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
>
>*Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
>horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
>
>*If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song
>about him?
>
>*Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
>
>*If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a
>coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
>
>*Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
>
>*Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
>
>*If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why
>didn't he just buy dinner?
>
>*If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
>vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
>
>*If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
>
>*Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
>(Why did you just try singing the two songs above?)
>
>*Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
>
>*Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? |
| Erik69 |
Posted - 12/31/2005 : 08:28:39 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Erich
Same with "It was how he wouldve wanted to go".
"wanted" and "wouldve" - too strong for my taste... you should really think about tuning it down a bit.
|
| Erich |
Posted - 12/15/2005 : 4:39:47 PM
You know, the way i see a lot of fundies preaching Jesus, he sounds like a used car salesman.
"Dont trust Satan and his small print, come over to UB Jesus' and get saved the econo way! Have you ever wanted eternal life? Freedom for your sins? A lucrative spot in the Kingdom Of Heaven (rated ***** by NY Times!)? Then come on down! All we ask for is YOUR SOUL. If you call today, we'll throw your name in the book of life! A saving your ass from eternal damnation value, our gift to you!
Void where prohibited. Offer not valid for non-Christian denominations or exotic lifestyles. Rapture imminent, supplies limited."
... and I hate how, in order to drink Jesus' blood, you need to be 21 or over in the US. |
| pcbTIM |
Posted - 12/15/2005 : 12:37:19 AM
Why do they call it a nondisclosure agreement? Aren't "non" and "dis" both negatives? It's redundant. Just call it a fucking closure agreement! |
| Erich |
Posted - 12/12/2005 : 5:09:07 PM
On september 11th, 2001, a man grudgingly went up to the 86th floor of the WTC, punched in, sat at his desk, sighed deeply, and said "man, I wish I was dead"
On August 6th, 1945, a japanese couple were having sex. The man, before climax, says to his partner, "this is gunna be the big one!" |
| Jorgy |
Posted - 11/27/2005 : 8:45:46 PM
"Fuck chuck norris" |
| therippa |
Posted - 11/21/2005 : 7:28:40 PM
Some random thoughts & facts regarding Chuck Norris...
1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
2. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
4. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
5. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
6. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
7. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.
8. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
11. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "fucking."
12. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
13. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
14. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
15. In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.
16. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.
17. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.
18. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.
19. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fark down.
20. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
21. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
22. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
23. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
24. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
25. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
26. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
27. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
28. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
29. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shiat.
30. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
31. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. |
| Erich |
Posted - 11/20/2005 : 10:55:05 PM
Im going to create a family restaurant with masectamy patients as waiters. Im going to name it Hooter |
| Kenneth |
Posted - 11/14/2005 : 12:15:45 PM
So what's the deal with Mad Cow disease. I mean, why are these cows so pissed off anyway? |
| Erich |
Posted - 11/14/2005 : 11:52:53 AM
You ever try to throw out a garbage can? The trucks just give them back to you! |
| Zachmozach |
Posted - 06/06/2005 : 9:00:38 PM
How did I miss this post? This is some really funny stuff. I am going to use the Jesus watching scary movies one sometime. |
| Mave Datthews |
Posted - 06/06/2005 : 1:54:17 PM
gotta love random thoughts. |
| Robin |
Posted - 06/03/2005 : 1:07:01 PM
I so needed this! A good dose of sarcasm cures all Peace, Robin |
| PJK |
Posted - 06/02/2005 : 9:35:07 PM
Erich, truly a pleasure to read! I agree with dan, this should always stay at the top of the page! |
| Silky The Pimp |
Posted - 06/02/2005 : 7:57:57 PM
Good stuff Erich. |
| Jiyra |
Posted - 06/02/2005 : 01:09:25 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Erich
Jesus wouldnt watch scarey movies, because covering his face with his hands would be pretty useless
that is, of course, assuming that his HANDS were pierced.  |
| Mechman293 |
Posted - 06/01/2005 : 7:44:40 PM
back to the top of the forum for all to read |
| chrism |
Posted - 06/01/2005 : 6:05:59 PM
best post ever. |
| {=HTG=} |
Posted - 06/01/2005 : 10:58:05 AM
quote:
Jesus wouldnt watch scarey movies, because covering his face with his hands would be pretty useless
 |
| dan p. |
Posted - 06/01/2005 : 10:54:26 AM
is there some way we can just keep this at the top so i can come back and read it over and over? |
| enthuTIMsiast |
Posted - 06/01/2005 : 09:06:00 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Erich
Wisdom teeth have a tendancy to come in sideways. That doesnt seem too wise to me. In fact, I bet the cuspids are thinking "man, those are pretty fucking stupid teeth "... But cuspids dont talk.
That's the funniest damn thing I've read all day. |
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