| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Jay |
Posted - 05/10/2005 : 9:39:58 PM
Just reading various posts from the past...and laughing my ass off...I mean, there isn't a single human here who hasn't delved into the world of hillarity but...Dan...How...the hell..Where the hell does this stuff come from? It's not that it's just funny, it's so true and straightforward...it's what I want to say but can't... There's gotta be some kind of award we can give...This is no small acheivment, my friend. Frankly, I'm damn proud of you, son.
If Dan P. were president, ladies and gentlemen...Maybe then I'd get laid. So by the power vested in me, I declare you President of the United States. Would you please, though, President "p," erase the tobbacco tax? Oh, and make pot legal. Thanks. (This is all just a ploy so I don't have to pay fucking $4.50 a pack and 30 bucks a sack...)
Yes I have the power to declare the President. Except with Bush, I didn't appoint that fucker. That was Silvester Stalone. |
| 21 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Jay |
Posted - 05/13/2005 : 6:10:38 PM
hmm...I always thought it would be great to slip some acid to the assistant pricipal...I could just see him calling the cops...
"SOMEthin's WRONG here!" |
| Jiyra |
Posted - 05/12/2005 : 11:17:00 PM
I think the best is that jay actually did put something in the fortune cookies |
| dan p. |
Posted - 05/12/2005 : 8:19:30 PM
the best is that you put water on your hand first.
"how's your french toast?"
"smelly and ungrateful. but this american toast is great." |
| Hopeful Rolling Waves |
Posted - 05/12/2005 : 7:41:27 PM
I am so offended right now. |
| Jay |
Posted - 05/12/2005 : 3:48:51 PM
Just for future refrence, I've only given one blowjob, and that was for a Jehova who would just NOT leave, so I said, "all righty then..."
I think if Dan ran for president...well, for one thing I'd find out what the "P" stood for...Could I be Vice? I mean, I'd probably just get stoned and eat all your freedom toast but what the hell i mean it'd be better than having a heart attack every other month, wouldn't it?
In other news, I put a lot of water on my hand and smacked this girls ass today...now, I don't normally do this...but I thought, "Ah hell you only live once, and Dan'll prolly pardon me if I get busted on Sexual Harassment..." She just said, "OoOo..." and gave me a fortune cookie. So i spent three bucks on more (now, they're 5 cents a pop, so that's 60 fuckin' fortune cookies.) after giving the one the girl gave me to one of the mutants sitting near me (I didn't want it at the time...) but figured, now that I have 60, if I give the rest of them away and save but one, that one will be the UBER fortune, the grand and only true fortune...so I spent the next hour tossing them around to various people, many of whom were very gracious (some said, "Wait, this is coming from Jay, I wonder if he put something in it...") at my gesture...When I finally had one left, it said, "Only answer the questions which you know in your heart...Learn Chinese! FORTUNE COOKIE: CHINGSAIWA!" My point is, I don't know if I'd give a blowjob for a vote, but my favorite Mr. Show thing was "It's an electric milker, it won't stop till it gets 40 gallons!" |
| dan p. |
Posted - 05/12/2005 : 12:27:41 PM
or "rock my cock." i think that's catchier. |
| rubylith |
Posted - 05/12/2005 : 08:42:01 AM
anyone ever watch Mr. Show???
they had a great skit about blow jobs...and that is how everyone moves up in the world.. |
| Arthen |
Posted - 05/12/2005 : 05:05:55 AM
I definitely have never gotten a blowjob for a vote. And if people got blowjobs for votes, the voter turn out rate would be a lot higher. Instead of "Rock the Vote" it would be "Blow the Vote". |
| tericee |
Posted - 05/12/2005 : 04:01:08 AM
You are so right!
We're not worthy! |
| Zachmozach |
Posted - 05/11/2005 : 10:29:05 PM
This thread is fucking hilarious! I gotta give some props to dan too. Besides no one handles spammers quite like dan. |
| Jiyra |
Posted - 05/11/2005 : 9:48:03 PM
and for some reason, politicians are still afraid of homosexual marriage. |
| dan p. |
Posted - 05/11/2005 : 9:30:49 PM
you have to suck everyone's dick to be president. people in your party? blowjobs. the votes? blowjobs. other party candidates? blowjobs.i'm astonished how some politicians can speak so well, what with all that cock in their mouths. |
| Hopeful Rolling Waves |
Posted - 05/11/2005 : 7:47:37 PM
"I could never suck enough dick to become president. Cause you have to suck Nazis dicks, and swallow...a lot. And then give it up to the Illuminati Tri-Lateralist Nazis."
--Tim Reynolds
Fuck me with a cheesegrater if Dan P. becomes president.  |
| Arthen |
Posted - 05/11/2005 : 4:35:51 PM
You just got my vote. |
| dan p. |
Posted - 05/11/2005 : 4:10:02 PM
no, just because there's a lot of things i don't really care about.
"mr. president, what's your stance on abortion?"
"don't care."
"how do you feel about legalizing marijuana?"
"don't care."
"what is your position the death penalty?"
"don't care."
"what will you do about social security?"
"i fucking hate old people."
i'm not so sure i would vote for me. |
| rubylith |
Posted - 05/11/2005 : 1:57:33 PM
why because you would be bluntly honest?
hehe |
| dan p. |
Posted - 05/11/2005 : 1:34:42 PM
"the dark side of the force is a pathway to many abilities some think to be unnatural."
thanks, but we could also say the same about you. we all love a good jay story, and i believe "jay, lay off the weed" has passed into proverb. i know every time i check the boards and i see a jay post, i'm there.
i'm not sure exactly what "head to head means" but i've always been impressed with erich's occasional rants. honestly, some of the funniest things i've read anywhere.
i'd make an awful president, though. |
| rubylith |
Posted - 05/11/2005 : 08:54:48 AM
all hail!
 |
| Hopeful Rolling Waves |
Posted - 05/11/2005 : 07:50:48 AM
Here here. |
| Arthen |
Posted - 05/11/2005 : 02:20:23 AM
Wow to get such HIGH praise from Jay is impressive. Although I think certain people could go "head to head" with Dan, they just hold back. |
| Erich |
Posted - 05/11/2005 : 12:05:28 AM
I think I can go head on with Dan anyday *laughs*. |
