| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Erich |
Posted - 04/20/2005 : 6:11:24 PM
"Hi. Im feeling fantastic. Why you ask? Because I'm taking WELLBUTRIN XL with a low risk of sexual side effects."
WELLBUTRIN XL is not for everyone. Side effects include diffuclty breathing, impotence, lack of hunger, amnesia, sorrosis of the liver, urinary tract infection, nosebleeds, drymouth, pregnancy, pinkeye, AIDS, and your heart to start acting as a third kidney. In closed studies, WELLBUTRIN XL killed 46% of all test subjects. Do not take WELLBUTRIN XL if you are taking MAOIs, SSRIs, member FDICs, NAACPs, or studying English Literature. Please consult your phsycian before using WELLBUTRIN XL.
Personaly, I can never understand peoples facination with the quick fix. But regardless of my thoughts on that, it seems that most medicines cause more harm than not, and its a blatent exploit of the quick fix mentality.
Thats why I have to laugh at many of the warnings and side effects of medicine, and even common products, that are out there. Take the advertisements for Ambien, a SLEEPING PILL. TV just told me. The side effects include, get this...
DROWSINESS
I wish I was kidding. Comercial for fucking sleeping pills tells you that it may cause drowsiness. Thank god they told me, too, cause I thought my sleeping pills would keep me alert for 8 hours while I operate this heavy machinery. seems like people are too fucking stupid to understand what a sleeping pill does, but the second you say "erectile dysfunction" or "penile enlargement pills", people dont need to be told twice.
"I'll take two packages of both!"
Whats funnier are the warning labels on regular household foodtsuffs, like, say... Pop Tarts:
"If Pastry is overheated, filling/frosting may become extremely hot, and cause burns"
wow. If pastry is heated, filling may become hot. I would have honestly never thought it was true until I saw it myself. I cant imagine how stupid people must be. Pop Tarts are like one of the tests they use to see if youre clinicaly brain dead.
"He can't cook a Pop Tart, Jim, I guess we'll have to pull the plug! Oh look, warning on the plug says may cause death."
I feel really bad for the court case that had to set the precident for them to put a warning label for all these mongloid 2 bit motherfuckers dumb enough not to know better.
Docket #253478, People vs. Kellogg's Pop Tarts
"Your Honour, my client had no clue that heating the Pop Tart would make it extremely hot, and subsequently burned off his testicals"
"Good, now he can't breed. Keep up the good work, Kellogg's, but next time put a label. NEXT!"
Docket #253479, People vs. Ambien
"I swear your honor, I didnt know that Ambien would put me to sleep. Otherwise I wouldnt have signed up for the 9/11 commision. Its the fault of the sleeping pill manufacturer for not telling me what the sleeping pill would do."
So thats why I feel there should be TRUTH IN ADVERTISING, even if its just once. I mean, take Nipplegate '04, the Janet Jackson boob scandal. That was truth in advertising. Justin Timberlake sang "Imma have you naked by the end of this song", and a boob flops out. But just once, I want to see a commercial that looks like this:
Camera is set on park, man rubbing his dogs head
Man #1: (Turning to camera) You don't notice it, but Ive got Genital Herpes
Woman #1: (Staring into camera at coffe shop) ... I've got Genital Herpes. It may not seem like much, but the burning...
Man #2: ...Itching...
Woman #2: ... Scabbing...
Woman #3: ... Disgusting...
Man #3: ... Flaking in my nuts is enough to make me scream
Cut to woman in park screaming with no sound
Man #1: I asked my doctor about it, and he told me about not fucking dirty women
Woman #2: ...not fucking dirty men...
Man #3: He said I couldve prevented crotchrot and not subsequently given it to all my other partners in bed.
Woman #1: Ask your doctor today about not fucking dirty men
Man #2: women
Not fucking dirty people may not be for everyone. In closed studies, not fucking dirty people decreased the flow of ass into your life, and in rare cases to cause failed rap careers and cameo's on Baywatch. Ask your doctor today |
| 19 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| dan p. |
Posted - 05/26/2005 : 10:09:10 PM
god damn it. i've been doing it backwards. |
| guitarisPIMP |
Posted - 05/26/2005 : 9:20:49 PM
George Carlin said it best. He was proposing putting natural selection back into the environment of children, so that maybe we wouldn't have so many stupid people in the world:
"The kid who eats the most marbles LOSES!"
I totally agree, I think if you take sleeping pills and go operate heavy machinery you should be sequestered immediately, into some kind of stupid-people facility similar to a nursing home, only you need to take various intelligence tests to get out. That way, dumb mutherfuckers will be out of the streets untill they can demonstrate proper pop-tart cooking technique and learn their "righty tighty, lefty loosey." |
| therippa |
Posted - 05/26/2005 : 5:36:31 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Erich
quote:
Originally posted by higgins
hmm truth? well okay, for starters too bad genital herpes has nothing to do with "dirty" people or being sluts. some 1 in 4 people have HSV-2 (hsv-1, most commonly oral herpes aka cold sores is even more common). most dont show signs at all. and you can easily contract genital herpes from somoenes mouth, even if they arent having an outbreak.
Erich: Why couldnt Hellen Keller drive?
Board: Why, Erich?
Erich: Because she's a woman!
Board: Hahaha!
Higgins: She couldnt drive because she was blind and deaf, which was a condition that put her at the mercy of everyone, not because she was a woman. Statistics show that women drivers are just as good as men, and have less tendancy for road rage. I dont know where youre getting your information from.
Board: 
I love that joke...and what you did with it is pretty funny too. |
| pcbTIM |
Posted - 05/24/2005 : 10:15:09 PM
Reminds me of Maddox.
5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.
LAME. Who has time for this? Sounds like something out of a herpes commercial where some lady is rock climbing or doing something else which symbolizes her independence, then out of nowhere she blurts out "I HAVE HERPES." The music gets all serious and you hear a voice over "...there is no cure," cue inspirational music "but treatment is available." Then it cuts to a shot of the bitch on a beach and a guy runs up behind her and puts his arms around her. Good job dumbass, you're dating a skank with herpes.
This is taken from...http://maddox.xmission.com/26_things.html |
| dan p. |
Posted - 05/22/2005 : 8:17:43 PM
it's just that good.
alright, higgins. good to have you on board. long days and pleasant nights to you. |
| Erich |
Posted - 05/22/2005 : 7:01:08 PM
My thread showed up on google? no fucking way! |
| higgins |
Posted - 05/22/2005 : 6:34:29 PM
haha nope im going to leave after this post. nah i dont have genital, but i do sometimes get cold sores and decided to do research. this showed up on google  |
| dan p. |
Posted - 05/22/2005 : 5:55:47 PM
ok. you got me on the herpes thing. you're right, i'm wrong. dirty sluts aren't the only people with genital herpes. so, are you going to hang around and be part of the boards, or are you just going to finish dismembering humor and hiding bits of it in the walls, and then leave? just for future reference.
do you have genital herpes? is that what this is about? are you angry that we're poking fun at people with your affliction? if that's the case, then on behalf of the entire board i would like to say: lighten the fuck up, please." |
| Erich |
Posted - 05/22/2005 : 2:58:13 PM
quote:
Originally posted by higgins
hmm truth? well okay, for starters too bad genital herpes has nothing to do with "dirty" people or being sluts. some 1 in 4 people have HSV-2 (hsv-1, most commonly oral herpes aka cold sores is even more common). most dont show signs at all. and you can easily contract genital herpes from somoenes mouth, even if they arent having an outbreak.
Erich: Why couldnt Hellen Keller drive?
Board: Why, Erich?
Erich: Because she's a woman!
Board: Hahaha!
Higgins: She couldnt drive because she was blind and deaf, which was a condition that put her at the mercy of everyone, not because she was a woman. Statistics show that women drivers are just as good as men, and have less tendancy for road rage. I dont know where youre getting your information from.
Board: |
| higgins |
Posted - 05/22/2005 : 2:24:32 PM
quote:
by kissing someone who has had someone else's herpes infected genitals in their mouths.
nope.
"About one-fifth of all people aged 12 and up in the U.S. are infected with the HSV-2 virus that causes genital herpes, but as many as 90% don't know it. (By comparison, experts estimate 50% to 80% of adults have oral herpes.)"
-(source: WebMD.com)
oral herpes (cold sores/fever blisters) doesnt have to come from genital herpes, infact its fairly hard for that to occur. most often its acquired at a very young age.
"Blood tests are not helpful because 90 percent of the population will have positive results due to childhood infection with herpes virus."
"Most people (over 75 percent) acquire their first herpes infection in childhood as a mild upper respiratory illness. Thereafter, it recurs around the lips in the form of cold sores."
"herpes infection can be spread when there are no visible herpes lesions"
-(source:The University of Chicago Student Care Center, 2001)
"A pregnant woman can pass genital herpes on to her baby, so it's particularly serious during pregnancy. If you get infected near the end of pregnancy, the risk is highest. At least 30% and as many as 50% of newly infected pregnant women give the virus to their babies."
-(source:WebMD.com)
"There are many people who are exposed to and
infected by the virus but never develop any signs or
symptoms of the infection. These people carry and
may ‘shed’ the virus from time to time without
showing symptoms and in doing so may transmit the
infection to their sexual partner if they have sex at that
time. Up to 50% of people get HSV from partners
who have no signs and symptoms of HSV and are
unaware they have the infection."
"The majority of people who acquire genital herpes will
not experience any recognisable symptoms. Of those
who do experience symptoms (20%), the first indication
of infection usually starts between two to twenty days
after exposure to the virus."
"Parents should be aware, however, that HSV can be
transmitted from cold sores simply by kissing and can
cause serious, widespread (disseminated) infection in the
newborn. Fortunately, by the time a baby is about six
months, the immune system is well able to cope with
exposure to the virus. Initial exposure to HSV in babies
and young children, after being kissed by someone with
a cold sore, can cause gingivostomatitis, an infection of
the mouth and gums which goes largely unrecognised
and untreated."
-(source:New Zealand Herpes Foundation)
|
| dan p. |
Posted - 05/22/2005 : 12:42:24 PM
"and you can easily contract genital herpes from somoenes mouth"
. . .by kissing someone who has had someone else's herpes infected genitals in their mouths. so you contend that genital herpes isn't about people being dirty or sluts because it's common and it's possible not to show signs of it? not very compelling there, guy. |
| higgins |
Posted - 05/22/2005 : 12:34:52 AM
hmm truth? well okay, for starters too bad genital herpes has nothing to do with "dirty" people or being sluts. some 1 in 4 people have HSV-2 (hsv-1, most commonly oral herpes aka cold sores is even more common). most dont show signs at all. and you can easily contract genital herpes from somoenes mouth, even if they arent having an outbreak. |
| Silky The Pimp |
Posted - 04/20/2005 : 11:38:25 PM
Very nice Erich... very nice indeed. |
| Muskrat |
Posted - 04/20/2005 : 11:08:53 PM
Hilarious. I shall proceed to steal your material at work. |
| dan p. |
Posted - 04/20/2005 : 10:27:06 PM
that was fucking masterful. honestly? the funniest post i've seen in a long time. |
| Zachmozach |
Posted - 04/20/2005 : 10:09:59 PM
They used to treat depression with LSD and I think they even had better success rates too. |
| Robin |
Posted - 04/20/2005 : 7:42:32 PM
And don't you just love the happy tune they play with all the smiling pretty peopl,e while rattling off the side effects. (That's why I'm an alternative health practitioner).Peace, Robin |
| therippa |
Posted - 04/20/2005 : 6:50:58 PM
The herpes commercials always got me. The girl always says something like "When I used to get my outbreaks, I had to take my old medicine 3 times a day. That got in the way of my active lifestyle! But now with [insert new herpes pill here], I only have to take it once a day, allowing me to live my life to the fullest".
...uh, it was your active lifestyle that got you herpes in the first place. Maybe if you have to take a pill three times a day, it will remind you to be safer next time you screw some dude.
(I know people can get herpes from cheating spouses, etc...just sayin') |
| enthuTIMsiast |
Posted - 04/20/2005 : 6:29:24 PM
Ha, that's funny shit. I feel the same way Erich. But I think it should be proactive, as in the court case... say Joe Schmoe was burned on the arm because he didn't know the pop tart would become hot upon heating... the judge should get to rule the his testicles be burned off with a hot pop tart or something. :) |
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