| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| NeverKillADream |
Posted - 05/10/2002 : 01:54:34 AM
I've got a story for yall. check this, about 40 minutes ago, i just finished smoking a bowl, and my 15 year old sister come's in my room asking for help, apparently, she had taken off her big thick chain necklace, that has two big loops at each end, and pulled the chain through both loops forming two "slipknots" then put her hands in it and pulled it tight, playing like they were handcuffs, but, handcuffs they became, cause once she pulled them tight, the chain links twisted around and tightened and locked that way, so here i am, stoned, twisting and turning her hands about, trying to free her from this Freak Necklace Disaster, and i was getting no where fast. finally after about 30 minutes and the circulation slowly fading, we woke Dad up for backup, he wasnt happy, he went about digging through tools, meanwhile back at the ranch i kept the lotion coming trying everything i could, he comes back with no tools and we work and work are were ready to call the Hospital when we finally painfull pulled one of her hands from the links.
now, she is humilated, and facing the fact that she will, never, never....ever....live this down. goodnight.
 |
| 36 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| pcbTIM |
Posted - 06/28/2002 : 8:53:28 PM
I do not have a script!!!! I wrote a first draft and then listened to it and then made adjustments......my friend did the same thing with the travel agency skit.....here it is....
Smoke-too-much: Well yes, I've been on package tours many times and so your advert really bought my eye.
Bounder: Ah good.
Smoke-too-much: Yes, you're quite right. I'm fed up with being treated like sheep. I mean what's the point of going abroad if you're just another tourist carted around in buses surrounded by sweaty mindless oafs from Kettering and Boventry in their cloth caps and their cardigans and their transistor radios and their Sunday Mirrors, complaining about the tea - 'Oh they don't make it properly here, do they, not like at home' - and stopping at Majorcan bodegas selling fish and chips and Watney's Red Barrel and calamaries and two veg and sitting in their cotton sun frocks squirting Timothy White's suncream all over their puffy raw swollen purulent flesh 'cos they 'overdid it on the first day.'
And being herded into endless Hotel Miramars and Bellvueses and Bontinentales with their modern international luxury roomettes and draught Red Barrel and swimming pools full of fat German businessmen pretending they're acrobats forming pyramids and frightening the children and barging into queues and if you're not at your table spot on seven you miss the bowl of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup, the first item on the menu of International Cuisine, and every Thursday night the hotel has a bloody cabaret in the bar, featuring a tiny emaciated dago with nine-inch hips and some bloated fat tart with her hair brylcreemed down and a big arse presenting Flamenco for Foreigners.
And then an adenoidal typists from Birmingham with flabby white legs and diarrhea trying to pick up hairy bandy-legged wop waiters called Manuel and once a week there's an excursion to the local Roman Ruins to buy cherryade and melted ice cream and bleeding Watney's Red Barrel and one evening you visit the so called typical restaurant with local colour and atmosphere and you sit next to a party from Rhyl who keep singing 'Torremolinos, torremolinos' and complaining about the food - 'It's so greasy here, isn't it?' - and you get cornered by some drunken greengrocer from Luton with an Instamatic camera and Dr. Scholl sandals and last Tuesday's Daily Express and he drones on and on and on about how Mr. Smith should be running this country and how many languages Enoch Powell can speak and then he throws up over the Cuba Libres.
And sending tinted postcards of places they don't realize they haven't even visited to 'All at number 22, weather wonderful, our room is marked with an 'X'. Food very greasy but we've found a charming little local place hidden away in the back streets where they serve Watney's Red Barrel and cheese and onion crisps and the accordionist plays 'Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner'.
"I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows." |
| Fluffy |
Posted - 06/25/2002 : 04:30:59 AM
No, I am pretty sure he mentioned in an old post that he had the script tucked away. I do seem to recall that. I could be wrong. Who knows what they do on the ShortBus!!
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy          |
| enthuTIMsiast |
Posted - 06/25/2002 : 12:47:40 AM
PLEASE tell me that that's not from memory. If it is...well then you've got WAY too much time on your hands.
Patrick, lay off the... .... well, something. Memorizing, or something. Boredom, maybe. Yeah, that's it. Patrick, lay of the boredom!
-what- |
| pcbTIM |
Posted - 06/23/2002 : 3:49:49 PM
A=Arthur D=Dennis W=Woman
A: Old woman?
D: Man!
A: Man…..sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
D: I’m 37.
A: What?
D: I’m 37. I’m not old.
A: Well I can’t just call you man.
D: Well you could say Dennis.
A: I didn’t know you were called Dennis.
D: Well you didn’t bother to find out, did you?
A: I did say sorry about the “old woman”, but from behind you looked……
D: What I object to is you automatically treating me like an inferior.
A: Well I am king.
D: Oh king, eh? Very nice! And how did you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to our dative imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there’s ever going to be any progress….
W: Dennis! There’s some lovely filth down here! Ooh! How’d you do?
A: How’d you do, good lady. I am Arthur, king of the Britons. Whose castle is that?
W: King of the who?
A: The Britons.
W: Who are the Britons?
A: Well we all are. We are all Britons. And I am your king.
W: I didn’t know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
D: You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes……
W: Oh there you go. Bringing class into it again.
D: Well that’s what it’s all about! If only people would….
A: Please!! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
W: No one lives there.
A: Then who is your lord?
W: We don’t have a lord.
A: What?
D: I told you. We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.
A: Yes.
D: But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting…
A: Yes I see.
D: …by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs…..
A: Be quiet!
D: …but by 2/3 majority in the case of more….
A: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
W: Order, eh? Who does he think he is?
A: I am your king!
W: Well I didn’t vote for you.
A: You don’t vote for kings.
W: Well, how did you become king then?
A: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering saymite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water. Signifying by divine providence, that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king!
D: Listen! Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses. Not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
A: Be quiet!
D: You can't expect to wield supreme executive power, just cuz some watery tart threw a sword at you!
A: Shut up!
D: I mean. If I went around, saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me.....they'd put me away!
A: Shut up! Will you shut up!!
D: Oh! Now we see the violence inherent in the system!
A: Shut up!
D: Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!!
A: Bloody peasant!
D: Oh! What a giveaway! Did you here that? Did you here that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?
"I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows." |
| Fluffy |
Posted - 06/23/2002 : 07:11:42 AM
My new DVD has the script on it. I will have to look into it and see what the correct name is for you. Until then I will just.......
RUN AWAY!!!! RUN AWAY!!!!!
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy |
| pcbTIM |
Posted - 06/21/2002 : 9:46:54 PM
quote:
reverend manyard. that's from um.....discustipated, isn't it? it's like he gives this really ridiculous sermon about carrots.
I think BROTHER Maynard was the person that the knights asked to get the Holy Hand Grenade.......but they might have said Brother Maynark.
"I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows." |
| therippa |
Posted - 06/17/2002 : 6:56:56 PM
quote:
Kaleigh asked:quote:
but why is the Tool reference "VERY KEWL"?
*~Kaleigh~*
Because TOOL is Very KEWL and it is Very KEWL of you to reference the Very KEWL TOOL you silly FOOL. Ask pcbdmb about the DUEL, Xar is our resident GHOUL, As a RULE I like to swim in the POOL but not wearing WOOL, and the only other thing that rhymes is JEWEL. Oh wait, YOU'LL find that YULE also rhymes with TOOL. VERY KEWL sam I am
HEHE j/k on the fool thing, it rhymed so I had to add it.
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy [img]fluff_alien.gif">[img]yinyang.gif">[img]skull.gif">[img]bigeyes2.gif">[img]censored.gif">[img]weeping.gif">[img]kitty.gif">[img]sonar.gif">[img]darkside.gif">
(Record scratching continues...)
Break it down one mo' time Fluffy!
---------------
Aspiring to Be Fluffy-Esque
"I heard Tim stopped playing with Dave when he got pregnant" |
| Fluffy |
Posted - 06/17/2002 : 6:17:49 PM
Kaleigh asked:quote:
but why is the Tool reference "VERY KEWL"?
*~Kaleigh~*
Because TOOL is Very KEWL and it is Very KEWL of you to reference the Very KEWL TOOL you silly FOOL. Ask pcbdmb about the DUEL, Xar is our resident GHOUL, As a RULE I like to swim in the POOL but not wearing WOOL, and the only other thing that rhymes is JEWEL. Oh wait, YOU'LL find that YULE also rhymes with TOOL. VERY KEWL sam I am
HEHE j/k on the fool thing, it rhymed so I had to add it.
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy |
| dan p. |
Posted - 06/13/2002 : 11:05:26 PM
reverend manyard. that's from um.....discustipated, isn't it? it's like he gives this really ridiculous sermon about carrots.
push becomes shove. days become months. i seem to have forgotten the warmth of the sun. |
| revrendmaynard14 |
Posted - 06/13/2002 : 8:06:26 PM
Well, he took a trip to FL, then we all went to where we used to live to visit, and now he is at work, he'll be home today or tomorrow...
*~Kaleigh~* |
| genome |
Posted - 06/09/2002 : 1:43:16 PM
Kaleigh, I've noticed your bro hasn't been here in a while...any reason for that? Just curious. Not that you have to keep up with him or anything...
?uoyt' ner a, mehtf oenoer 'uoY |
| revrendmaynard14 |
Posted - 06/08/2002 : 03:58:15 AM
Why thank you.
*~Kaleigh~* |
| tericee |
Posted - 06/08/2002 : 03:31:00 AM
Hey Rev, I don't think I ever mentioned that I think it's great to have another brother/sister duo on the board. Since Fluffy brought your first post back to the top of the thread list, it seems like a good place to send my belated welcome!
teri 
Did I mention that I finished a marathon? |
| Jorg |
Posted - 06/08/2002 : 02:54:49 AM
b/c tool is cool. (no rhyme intended)
|
| revrendmaynard14 |
Posted - 06/07/2002 : 03:23:16 AM
No it won't happen again, I keep the necklace around my neck , but why is the Tool reference "VERY KEWL"?
*~Kaleigh~* |
| Fluffy |
Posted - 06/06/2002 : 5:37:29 PM
VERY KEWL!!!! On the Tool reference that is, kinda sucks about the wrists thing. Hopefully it won't happen again.
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy |
| revrendmaynard14 |
Posted - 06/06/2002 : 5:31:11 PM
Sorry about that, I was just playing around and put them on my wrists, I had done it a million times before, and yes it is a Tool reference.
*~Kaleigh~* |
| Fluffy |
Posted - 06/06/2002 : 5:16:51 PM
Never got an answer from Rev. Maynard on this one.
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy |
| Fluffy |
Posted - 05/21/2002 : 09:42:58 AM
Welcome aBOARD Revrendmaynard14!!! I haven't been around alot lately, is that a TOOL reference in your screenname?
ps:Why did you put the necklace on your wrists like that? Glad you got it off!
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy |
| Saint Jude |
Posted - 05/11/2002 : 10:17:20 PM
http://www.timreynolds.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=1748
- Without you, without you everything falls apart
Without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces.
|
| revrendmaynard14 |
Posted - 05/11/2002 : 10:13:04 PM
Have we?
*~Kaleigh~* |
| Jay |
Posted - 05/11/2002 : 9:57:20 PM
haven't we discussed this before?
Jay
My last name is confusing...It is Spelled Wiegand but is pronounced Weegend...another insult to the English language... |
| revrendmaynard14 |
Posted - 05/11/2002 : 9:13:03 PM
You suck...er..uh, I mean smoking is bad...Drugs are bad mmkay. Compliments of Mr.Mackey.
*~Kaleigh~* |
| Jay |
Posted - 05/11/2002 : 8:47:53 PM
Speaking of smoking a bowl...Guess what i did three times last night?
Jay
My last name is confusing...It is Spelled Wiegand but is pronounced Weegend...another insult to the English language... |
| revrendmaynard14 |
Posted - 05/11/2002 : 7:46:02 PM
I need a hell of a lot more posts
*~Kaleigh~* |
| revrendmaynard14 |
Posted - 05/11/2002 : 2:10:09 PM
Yea, what he said.
*~Kaleigh~* |
| NeverKillADream |
Posted - 05/10/2002 : 11:36:06 PM
Im 23, my parents opinions no longer matter, but yes, my mom is cool with it, does it herself like once a year, lol, and my sister has her blessing, oddly enough.
|
| enthuTIMsiast |
Posted - 05/10/2002 : 11:02:38 PM
I still want to know if your parents let either of you smoke weed. That would blow my mind.
-what- |
| {=HTG=} |
Posted - 05/10/2002 : 10:53:21 PM
Yes, welcome to the TR board.
"I tell you what, I'm not that easily amused ...wow, a blue car!" Homer Simpson.
|
| Silky The Pimp |
Posted - 05/10/2002 : 3:42:36 PM
Welcome... that's uh... impressive.
-J
 |
| enthuTIMsiast |
Posted - 05/10/2002 : 12:51:20 PM
You means your parents kids. If you're one of them, then yes, I mean you. But your brother mentioned it, so I was really talking to him.
-what- |
| victorwootenfan |
Posted - 05/10/2002 : 12:33:53 PM
haha, that's a funny follow up,"that sister was me." welcome aboard to ya! good story!
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -Gandhi |
| revrendmaynard14 |
Posted - 05/10/2002 : 10:42:33 AM
Never or me?
*~Kaleigh~* |
| enthuTIMsiast |
Posted - 05/10/2002 : 08:58:19 AM
Your parents let you smoke weed?
-what- |
| revrendmaynard14 |
Posted - 05/10/2002 : 03:11:59 AM
.
Dark Clouds May Hang On Me Sometimes But I'll Work It Out. |
| revrendmaynard14 |
Posted - 05/10/2002 : 02:15:16 AM
Hey, I'm new to the board...I just wanted to say that the sister in that story is sadly me. lol
Dark Clouds May Hang On Me Sometimes But I'll Work It Out. |
