| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Saint Jude |
Posted - 03/02/2002 : 5:09:04 PM
HIP HIP HORRAY!
- Without you, without you everything falls apart
Without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces.
|
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Fluffy |
Posted - 03/10/2002 : 11:15:25 PM
No I haven't, but I will check it out. I love when people poke fun at PC. Here is one I discovered last Xmas. I thought I would share, given the topic.
Here's a P.C. T'was the Night Before Christmas as written by
James Finn Garner in His P.C Holiday Stories:
T'was the Night Before Solstice
-T'was the night before solstice, and all through the co-op
Not a creature was messing the calm status quo up.
-The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
Dreaming of lentils and warm whole-grain breads.
-We'd welcomed the winter that day after school
By dancing and drumming and burning the Yule,
-A more meaningful gesture to honor the planet
Than buying more trinkets for Mom or Aunt Janet,
-Or choosing a tree just to murder and stump it
And dress it all up like a seasonal strumpet.
-My lifemate and I, having turned down the heat,
Slipped under the covers for a well deserved sleep,
-When out from the lawn there came such a roar
I fell from my futon and rolled to the floor.
-I crawled to the window amd pulled back the latch,
And muttered,"Aw, where is that Neighborhood Watch?"
-I saw there below through the murk of the night
A sleigh and eight reindeer of nonstandard height.
-At the reins of that sleigh sat a mean-hearted knave
Who treated each deer like his personal slave.
-I'd seen him before in some ads for car loans,
Plus fast food and soft drinks and cellular phones.
-He must have cashed in from his mercantile chores,
Since self-satisfaction just oozed from his pores.
-He called each by name, as if he were right
To treat them like humans, entrenching his might;
-"Now Donder, now Blitzen," and other such aliases,
Showing his true Eurocentrical biases.
-With a snap of his fingers, away they all flew,
Like lumberjacks served up a plate of tofu.
-Up to the rooftop they carried the sleigh
(The holes in the shingles are there to this day).
-Out bounded the man, who went straight to the flue.
I knew in an instant just what I should do.
-After donning my slippers, downstairs I did dash
To see this trespasser emerge from the ash.
-His clothes were all covered with soot, but of course,
From our wood-fueled alternative energy source.
-Through the grime I distinguished the make of his duds-
He was dressed all in fur, fairly dripping with blood.
-"We're a cruelty-free house!" I proclaimed with such heat
He was startled and tripped on the logs at his feet.
-He stood back up dazed, but with mirth in his eyes.
It was then that I noticed his unhealthy size.
-He was almost as wide as when standing erect,
A lover of fatty fried foods, I suspect.
-But that wasn't all to make sane persuns choke:
In his teeth sat a pipe that was belching out smoke!
-I could scarcely believe what invaded our house.
This carcinogenic and overweight louse
-Was so red in the face from his energy spent,
I expected a heart attack right there and then.
-Behind him he toted a red velvet bag
Full to exploding with sinister swag.
-He asked,"Where is your tree?" with a face somewhat long.
I said,"Out in the yard, which is where it belongs."
-"But where will I put all the presents I've brought?"
I looked at him squarely and said,"Take the lot
-"To some frivolous people who think that they need
To succumb to the sickness of commerce and greed,
-"Whose only joy comes from the act of consuming,
Thus sending the stock of retailers booming."
-He blinked and said,"Ho, ho, ho! But you're kidding."
I gave him a stare that was stern and forbidding.
-"Surely children need something with which to have fun?
It's like the childhood's over before it's begun."
-He looked in my eyes for some sign of assent,
But I strengthed my will and refused to relent.
-"They have plenty of fun," I cut to the gist,
"And your mindless distractions have never been missed.
-"They take CPR so that they can save lives,
And go door-to-door for the used clothing drives.
-"They recycle, renew, reuse-and reveal
For saving the planet a laudable zeal.
-"When they padlock themselves to a fence to protest
Against nuclear power, we think they're the best."
-He said,"But they're children-lo, when do they play?"
I countered,"Is that why you've driven your sleigh,
-"To bring joy to the hearts of each child and tot?
All right, open your bag; let's see what you've got."
-He sheepishly did as I'd asked and behold!
A Malibu Barbie in a skirt made of gold.
-"You think that my girls will like playing with this,
An icon of sexist comsumerist kitsch?
-"With its unnatural figure and airheaded grin,
This trollop makes every girl yearn to be thin,
-"And take up fad diets and binging and purging
Instead of respecting her own body's urging
-"To welcome the shape that her body has found
And rejoice to be lanky, short, skinny, or round."
-Deep in his satchel he searched for a toy,
Saying,"This is a hit with most little boys."
-And what did he put in my trembling hand
But a gun from the BrainBlasters Power Command!
-"It's a 'hit', to be sure," I sneered in his face,
"And a plague to infect the whole human race!
-"How 'bout grenades or some working bazookas
To turn ALL of our kids into half-wit palookas?"
-I seized on his bag just to see for myself
The filth being spread by this odious elf.
-An Easy-Bake Oven-ah goddess, what perfidy!
To hoodwink young girls into household captivity!
-Plus an archery play set with shafts that fly out,
The very thing needed to put your eye out.
-And toy metal tractors, steam shovels and cranes
For tearing down woodlands and scarring the plains,
-Plus "games" like Monopoly, Pay Day, Tycoon,
As if lessons in greed can't start up too soon.
-And even more weapons from BrainBlasters Co.,
Like cannons and nunchucks and ray guns that glow.
-That's all I could find in his red velvet sack-
Perverseness and mayhem to set us all back.
-(But I did find one book that caused me to ponder-
Some fine bedtime tales by a fellow named Garner.)
-"We need none of this," I announced in a huff,
"No 'business-as-usual' holiday stuff.
-"We sow in our offspring more virtue than this.
Your 'toys' offer some things they will never miss."
-The big man's expression was a trifle bereaved
As he shouldered his pack and got ready to leave.
-"I pity the kids who grow up around here,
Who're never permitted to be of good cheer,
-"Who aren't allowed leisure for leisure's own sake,
But must fret every minute-it makes my heart break!"
-"Enough histrionics! Don't pity our kids
If they don't do as Macy's or Toys 'R' Us bids.
-"They live by their principles first and foremost
And know what's important," to him I did boast.
-"Pray, could I meet them?" "Oh no, they're not here.
They're up on the roof, liberating your deer!"
-Then Santa Claus sputtered and pointed his finger
But, mad as he was, he had no time to linger.
-He flew up the chimney like smoke from a fire,
And up on the roof I heard voices get higher.
-I ran outside the co-op to see him react
To my children's responsible, kind-hearted act.
-He chased them away, and disheartened, dismayed,
He rehitched his reindeer (who'd docilely stayed).
-I watched with delight as he scooted off then.
He'd be too embarrasses to come back again.
-But with parting disdain, do you know what he said,
When this overweight huckster took off in his sled?
-This reindeer enslaver, this exploiter of elves?
"Happy Christmas to all, but get over yourselves!!"
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy          |
| Silky The Pimp |
Posted - 03/06/2002 : 2:37:25 PM
C'mon... let's be PC here. They are "heterosexually challenged." Did anyone ever get to read the book "Politically Correct Bedtime Stories?" That was just a great satire of modern culture... I'm sure you can probably find them all online. Definitely worth a read.
-J
 |
| Fluffy |
Posted - 03/06/2002 : 08:22:45 AM
Straight you say? I am not sure that MOST drag queens are what can be called STRAIGHT.
guy giving directions to a homosexual:
guy:First you take a left, then go straight...
homosexual:Go Straight? Never go straight, go gayly forward!
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy |
| pcbTIM |
Posted - 03/06/2002 : 06:10:46 AM
Damn straight!
"I do what I can with what I've got." |
| Fluffy |
Posted - 03/06/2002 : 05:59:55 AM
Thats OK, your ruined sandwich is another man's meal fit for a king. Afterall, you are a queen!
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy |
| pcbTIM |
Posted - 03/05/2002 : 8:36:31 PM
Oh dear God NO!!!! Great! Now you've ruined sandwiches for me too!
"I do what I can with what I've got." |
| Fluffy |
Posted - 03/05/2002 : 6:13:38 PM
Make sure you put lots of Miracle Whip on it FOR ME! THANX
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy |
| pcbTIM |
Posted - 03/05/2002 : 5:46:07 PM
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...........sandwich..........
"I do what I can with what I've got." |
| Fluffy |
Posted - 03/05/2002 : 08:16:53 AM
and a KNUCKLE SANDWICH!!!!
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy |
| pcbTIM |
Posted - 03/05/2002 : 01:05:12 AM
Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! The one ring!!!!!!!
"I do what I can with what I've got." |
| Fluffy |
Posted - 03/04/2002 : 06:20:48 AM
Indeed, I am not the moderator, but I am "very good friends" with "Something Nasty" and can certainly have him blocked if need be.
Besides if that doesn't work, I am by no means Jesus, but I do know THIS guy:
He looks pretty scary and he is pretty tight with the "BIG GUY", but he definitely has an evil streak.
And if that doesn't work there is always......
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy |
| Silky The Pimp |
Posted - 03/03/2002 : 9:03:12 PM
Glad to have you back and hear of your recent goings on... I hope that east coast tour pans out!
-J
|
| Erich with an h |
Posted - 03/03/2002 : 8:09:51 PM
fluffy is not the moderator :)
good to have you back fluffy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Erich w/ an h
Erichwanh@yahoo.com
The Tim Reynolds Tour and Recording Database |
| {=HTG=} |
Posted - 03/03/2002 : 6:00:57 PM
[quote]and chill out on attacking the only person that can save your sorry ass. /quote]
Seriously, what do you mean by that? Can you kick his name off of the board forever or something???
 |
| enthuTIMsiast |
Posted - 03/03/2002 : 5:56:01 PM
My boss has one of these dolls. Buddy Christ, as it's called. The box is funny, but I can't remember what it says...I'm sure someone here can...
-Jason-
If you had a neck and I had hands, I would squeeze your brain, which is your body, right out the top of your head, which does not exist! |
| Fleabass76 |
Posted - 03/03/2002 : 3:17:45 PM
I can't stop using this pic, it's just too good.
"People always tell you to color inside the lines, [but] who drew the lines in the first place? [Think about that.]" -Victor Wooten |
| Saint Jude |
Posted - 03/03/2002 : 1:34:38 PM
wouldnt suprise me
- Without you, without you everything falls apart
Without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces.
|
| enthuTIMsiast |
Posted - 03/03/2002 : 09:46:27 AM
quote:
the only person that can save your sorry ass.
DUDE ... You're .... Jesus????
-Jason-
If you had a neck and I had hands, I would squeeze your brain, which is your body, right out the top of your head, which does not exist! |
| Fluffy |
Posted - 03/03/2002 : 05:38:30 AM
Glad to be back among friends, although I seem to have done something to piss off SGWAG. Can't imagine what it is since I haven't been around lately. Like to fill me in SGWAG, and chill out on attacking the only person that can save your sorry ass.
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy |
| Fleabass76 |
Posted - 03/02/2002 : 11:46:44 PM
Welcome back yo!
"People always tell you to color inside the lines, [but] who drew the lines in the first place? [Think about that.]" -Victor Wooten |
| LizT |
Posted - 03/02/2002 : 11:19:53 PM
I think I'm going to faint, someone fan me quick! That is very excellent news Fluffy. Hope to see the tour dates posted soon, I need to arrange my work schedule!
|
| dirtysloth |
Posted - 03/02/2002 : 6:28:57 PM
Yeah, definitely. I couldn't have put it better. Glad to have ya back Fluffy!
Peace,
Patrick
http://members.tripod.com/one4tim/index.htm |
| pcbTIM |
Posted - 03/02/2002 : 6:00:12 PM
The first words that popped into my head were...HOLY SHIT!
"I do what I can with what I've got." |
| Fluffy |
Posted - 03/02/2002 : 5:33:17 PM
Indeed, I am!! Sorry for my absence, I have been HELLUVA busy. I have also been out on the road with Chris Whitley again. This time it was solo acoustic, just me and him. They were some great shows. When we played NYC, Soldo came out to the show and assured me that photos from the last tour will be up in week or so. Jon was quite blown away by CW's style of playing. I kept telling him, "I have been trying to tell you to check him out!". Well he finally made it to a show and was blown away, as I have always been. But I am back, but still very busy. I have made 9:30 Club my full time job and put Orpheus(the record store I work at)as my part time job. All these changes and the tour have kept me quite busy. I did not take my laptop out with me so I was not able to keep up with the BOARD or my emails. I did get all the emails from board members when I returned. Glad to know I was missed. Sorry for not being able to respond to them. No disrespect intended. 9:30 has been busy busy busy when I am in town. Lots of sold out shows. Last nite a sold out Saves the Day show and tonite another sold out show. I have never even heard of the band that is playing tonite.( I am so out of it) I also have my studio back up and running with my best friend Frank, who has changed the name of our band to Patron Saints. We are looking to start recording with the new lineup in early April. I will keep you up to date on that as well. I have also been going to band practices weekly to get familiar with the new bandmembers and new songs and new arrangements.(Could I be any busier?) Oh yes, I could! I talked to TR finally. He is talking to our booking agent about setting up a small tour for the spring. It will PROBABLY be east coast, if it happens. That(if all goes as planned) will be followed by a lengthier fall tour. The show in Santa Fe at the Paramount went GREAT! Kyle went and recorded it, so we should all be able to SEE it. I heard Kyle caught a little food poisoning on his trip. Hope he feels better. TR is quite excited about the new project. He has mastered the programming end of his studio and equipment and is pretty much a one-man-band(but wasn't he always?). The show at the Paramount was ALL electric, using primarily the SG and the 7 String Ibanez, but he did use the Les Paul for all the C Tuning stuff. He performed songs from Astral Projection, Live Puke Matrix, ID, and from the soon-to-be-available-as-a-free-download-if-we-ever-get-the-FTP-site-back-up-and-running Petroglyph! He also included in the set, some new tasty treats. He is ecstatic about his new capabilities. He has locked himself away in the studio since January and just started teaching himself to program, and recording and practicing. He says the freedom of not having a band has enabled him to stretch out and discover his old songs in a whole new way. He says, without a band he can just work on something like 20 times with noone complaining about moving on to the next song and this has allowed him to discover why he was never completely happy with older versions of songs. Now he can keep working on it till he gets it just the way he wants it. He says he has worked on changing the tunings of some songs so he can sing them easier and better and he is quite happy with the outcome. Can't wait to check it out. He says he will probably be taking out the electrics this time around but he will be bringing the acoustics as well. PROBABLY! No promises as to what those tours will hold until Tom susses out what is viable as an option. Things can change, we will just have to see, that is the plan as it stands. The GREAT part is TIM is completely excited about all of this so you can bet it will be GREAT!!!
PS: It's great to be back, I missed everyone and the BOARD!!
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy |
| Saint Jude |
Posted - 03/02/2002 : 5:17:53 PM
Good luck catching up man.
- Without you, without you everything falls apart
Without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces.
|
|
|
