| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
 Posted - 08/30/2002 : 12:24:30 PM
|
by andy rooney
"stupid people should have to wear signs that say, "im stupid"
that way you wouldnt rely on them, would you?
it would be like, "excuse me...oops...nevermind, didnt see your sign."
its like before my wife and i moved. out house was full of boxes and there was a u-haul truck in our driveway. my neighbor comes over and says, "hey, you moving?"
"nope. we just like to pack our stuff up once or twice a week and see how many boxes it takes. heres your sign."
a couple of months ago i went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, i lifted up this big ol'stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "hey, you catch all them fish?"
"nope. talked'em into giving up. here's your sign.
i was watching one of those animal shows on the discovery channel. there was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. and there's only one way to test it. "alright jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good...they want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you."
"well, allright, but hold my sign, i dont wanna loose it."
last time i had a flat tire, i pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. the attendant walks out, looks at me, looks at the truck and i swear he said "tire go flat?" i couldnt resist. i said "nope. i was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. heres your sign."
we were trying to sell our car about a year ago. a guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. we get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "damn thats hot!" see, if he'd been wearing his sign, i could have stopped him.
i learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure. wouldnt you know, i misjudged the height of a bridge. the truck got stuck and i couldnt get it out, no matter how i tried. i radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. he went through his basic questioning...okay...no problem. i thought for sure that he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked, "so, is your truck stuck?" i couldnt help myself! i looked at him, looked back at the rig, and then back to him and said "no, im delivering a bridge...heres your sign"
i stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said "are you still here" i replied, "no i left about 10 minutes ago. here's your sign"
anyone you know need a sign today?
____________________________________________________________
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. |
|
|
dirtysloth
Fluffy-Esque
USA
1302 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2002 : 4:28:47 PM
|
"no, im delivering a bridge..."
Priceless.
This kind of reminds me of those police chase shows... in a way... um, cops being dumb I guess. I keep seeing all these chases that end in disaster. For what? A speeding fifteen-year-old. Ok. Good judgement, cop. Let's risk the lives of everyone on the road to nail this bastard. Taking down the liscense plate number... no, that won't do... how about some action!!! And John Walsh pisses me off to no end.
 |
 |
|
|
enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2002 : 01:47:29 AM
|
Only one reply...but clearly Fluffy's read this ...
Here's his sign.
____________________________________________________________
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. |
|
|
|
Fleabass76
Fluffy-Esque
USA
1026 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2002 : 01:59:04 AM
|
I never knew Andy Rooney could be so funny...
"Get up an move... or I'll put a curse on you... that all your children will be born naked." – Hendrix |
|
|
|
pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2002 : 2:33:41 PM
|
Actually, Bill Engvall came up with that skit...........he's a comedian and wrote a book on it. I guess Andy just made it into a song.....
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." - George Bernard Shaw |
|
|
|
enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2002 : 2:35:15 PM
|
That's a song?
____________________________________________________________
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. |
|
|
|
pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2002 : 2:38:13 PM
|
Well my friend told me that he sings a chorus or something, stops playing, and says one of those.
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." - George Bernard Shaw |
|
|
|
enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2002 : 2:46:45 PM
|
Did you ever stop to think that your friend might not know everything?
____________________________________________________________
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. |
|
|
|
pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2002 : 2:47:54 PM
|
Nope.
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." - George Bernard Shaw |
|
|
|
enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2002 : 2:49:36 PM
|
Stop.
____________________________________________________________
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. |
|
|
|
enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2002 : 2:49:42 PM
|
Collaborate.
____________________________________________________________
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. |
|
|
|
enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2002 : 2:49:49 PM
|
Listen.
____________________________________________________________
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. |
|
|
|
pcbTIM
Alien Abductee
USA
6501 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2002 : 2:51:18 PM
|
But why would he lie about that? What would he have to gain?
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." - George Bernard Shaw |
|
|
|
enthuTIMsiast
Alien Abductee
6990 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2002 : 2:53:32 PM
|
Because Ice is back, with a brand new invention.
____________________________________________________________
I am not the albatross of love, I am the human ellipsis. I am dot dot dot. |
|
|
|
Fluffy
Administrator
USA
10739 Posts |
Posted - 09/09/2002 : 03:27:30 AM
|
My new favorite expression!! I wish I had a dollar for everytime I have said it(or typed it) on this tour so far. Rew, TR and Kyle are getting sick of it already. Especially Kyle, I keep using it on him, HEHE
Peace & Keep the Faith
Fluffy          |
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
Anyone need a sign?
